We won!

So, The Company had some "Heart Healthy" photo contest where "you and up to 6 of your coworkers" can enter a photo. Something about red and heart healthy is the theme.

Our Fearless Leader suggested it at our team meeting (prior to my Jury Duty) and suggested we all wear red that Friday (since it was "Wear Red For Heart Healthy Friday" anyways) and we would take some sort of picture.

Office Boyfriend suggested we organize ourselves in the shape of a heart. As in the shape in a deck of cards, not the organ. I wonder how they decided that the two were the same... but, I digress.

So Friday came and we were one short as SOMEONE decided to be out sick [or was his son sick? I don't recall]. So, Other Gay was asked to join us. Zebra Girl was also asked to join us somehow. I don't recall how, but it caused us to have to rethink our positioning for the shape.

We decided to do our photo shoot on the 4th floor with the camera person looking over the balcony of the 5th floor. Office Boyfriend gets us in position from overhead, and we take a few photos.

When we look at them, Office Boyfriend's burgundy ["not red"] shirt stuck out like a sore thumb. And we weren't quite a perfect heart shape. So we decided to reshoot that afternoon.

Knowing what we were aiming for, we went back downstairs and got a few more pictures.

Office Boyfriend's shirt still stuck out, but the shape came out more awesome! So, Fearless Leader's husband photoshopped the shirt to be red and this is what we submitted:


No, we don't all look like that, but I wasn't about to post anyone's face without their permission. And, in order to get permission, I'd have to divulge I have a blog, and I'm not about to let any of my coworkers know where it exists. but, in case you were wondering, clockwise around we have:

• Me
• Fearless Leader
• Someone without a nickname
• Other Gay
• Someone else without a nickname
• Office Boyfriend
• Zebra Girl

After we decided we'd submit that, I pointed out we were even more symmetrical with the boy/girl on each side (and even symmetrical when it comes to sexuality, but that's besides the point). So, symmetry makes things more perfect!

We got a notice yesterday that WE WON!

I'm hoping we won fairly and not by default by being the only people who submitted a photo. But, either way, we EACH got a $100 gift card to our little discount store we have here at The Company!

Heh heh -- I said "duty"

So, I had jury duty this week. But, it's actually a lot more interesting than that!

Now, it's been 15 years since I turned 18.

The first time I got a jury duty summons, I was in college. No vehicle. So I had to take a bus from Boston out to Western Mass. After I got there, I called the number that they tell you to call the night before. Apparently my pool wasn't selected to attend, so I had officially fulfilled my jury duty requirement. I took a bus back the next day. Why didn't I wait to take the bus until after I called? Because it's basically a 4+ hour excursion to go from campus to Harvard Square to South Station and wait for a bus to head to Springfield then to Northampton. I wouldn't have made it.

The second time I got a jury duty summons I was moving from Dekalb County to Cobb County. I didn't have to serve.

Then, in January I got my summons for Cobb County.

Crap. I can't just up and move to get out of it. I decided to not put off the pain even though it was a bad time (the random follow-up time would have been just as inconvenient, most likely). So, I suck it up.

Apparently I didn't read it right (or ignored it Mother told me when she said I had told her before) but the night or two before I learned it wasn't jury duty for one day... it was jury duty for ONE WEEK!

Yes, kids -- ONE WEEK!

I thought being out of work for a day was going to be bad, but the potential of being out for a week is ridiculous.

But, I suck it up.

I showed up Monday at 8:30, as ordered. I check in. I sit down and am waiting for whatever is supposed to happen.

The Judge shows up and gives the opening statements greeting us and telling us how awesome we are just by being there. It sounds like BS, but it also sounds about as legit, so I figure it's fine. I mean, "just by being [t]here, we're making justice happen!"

During these statements, I look over to the opposite side and see someone who looks familiar.

Very familiar. WORK FAMILIAR! But I can't get a name for the life of me (It happens before 9:30). But I'm in luck! They're going to be displaying which jury pool we're in on the screens, so I can find the name that way!

The names are going by real quickly, then I see her name! I couldn't remember my boss's boss's name. (Well, technically my boss's boss's boss, but that's splitting hairs). I've met her in a few meet and greets, but seriously didn't think she'd remember me.

So I see her trying to look for her name on the board. I go to her and tell her she's in pool 10. She looks at me and pretty much knows who I am (although I don't know if she had a name or not... later she said my name, but I don't know if she went to ask people who I am through emails or happened to see it on my jury duty summons or if she's really that good). And we're talking. And I said "What are the chances of two of us from The Company being in jury duty together?"

She said "Three. So-and-so from Tax is over there."

So, we all create a little click together and talk and network the first morning. Talking about everything from Glee to kids and on.

10:00 comes and we're told if we parked at the library, we should go get our vehicles at lunch and move them to the closer parking lot (guess what, that's me.. also boss's boss). We really didn't feel like doing all that...

11:00 comes and we're informed pools 1-4 are allowed to go to lunch until 1:30, but the rest of us must stay.

11:30 comes and the rest of us are told we can go to lunch. I asked if we HAD to move our vehicles, and jury duty lady said we didn't, but she suggested it because there won't be transportation back.

My boss's boss asks us where we want to go. We really don't care, as long as we get out of the courthouse. We manage to find Shillings on the Square. And let me tell you it was GOOD!

In the middle of lunch, she starts asking random work things. I joke, "If we're going to talk work, we need to expense lunch." -- she replied "I was already planning on buying lunch." -- I was like "You don't have to do that, but thanks!"

So, it was an even cooler lunch as I got to talk. And, in the middle of eating, we somehow got to talking about tickets and stuff. I asked if The Company had box seats to non-sporting events and she said they do. So, I half-jokingly asked if I could have NKOTBSB tickets when they're in town. She said if nobody else wants them, I can have them. SCORE! That means I hafta remember in June to remind her of her promise! :)

We get back to the courthouse and start to settle in. Then we decide to quickly run to get coffee (chai in my case) to get a little caffeine to wake up. Then we sit and wait... and wait.. and wait...

Finally, about 2:30, the jury duty leader lady comes in and says "Thanks to y'all being here, we moved through 27 cases! So, your being here helped justice happen." -- then told us everyone but pools 1-4 can go home. WOOHOO! I'm in 7!

So, we pack up and head downstairs. Then we realize we don't know the most efficient route to the library. So we ask a bailiff how to get back. He goes and calls someone to give us a ride. NOT what we expected, but thank you! On the way back we get to the library and my reaction was "That's the distance? You're KIDDING me. We could have WALKED that in the time it took you to get the van!"

We were told to call back the jury voicemail line after 6pm to hear our instructions for Tuesday. So, I did and found out we were due to be there for 9:30 the next day.

A little later that evening, I got an email from my boss's boss saying "Yep.. see you in the morning!" -- then she emailed me asking if my license plate was something. I told her it was, but was kinda confused a little.

The following morning, we met up in the courtroom. Started chit-chatting and stuff. She brought up that I caused a song to get stuck in her head thanks to my license plate. I kinda giggled. This is also when I pointed out that not only were there three of us from The Company together, but I work on the 14th floor of the SE tower, Tax-Person works on the 14th floor of the SW tower, and Boss's Boss works on the 14th floor of the N tower. That's all three towers and 14th floor. How much more coincidence can you get?

About 9:45, jury pools 1, 2, and 3 were called back (and a couple additional people because I guess the pools were incomplete?). One of the poor people did not seem like he was all the way there. I mean, he was carrying a couple Publix plastic bags full of bunched up clothes. Kinda like I do when I go visit fambly... throw my dirty clothes in bags... But, I digress... I wasn't on the pool.

This is when I did math. There were 120 of us in the room (although there's usually more it seems, but we'll take that number). Multiply that by $25/day. 5 days a week. 50 weeks a year. That's $780,000/year of our taxpayer money (unless they come from court fees, but still!)

About 10:45 or so, jury coordinator lady comes in and says "I have good news..."

Everyone starts grumbling and groaning, so I proclaim "WOOHOO!!!!!" causing peeps to kinda giggle and lighten the mood.

Jury coordinator lady says "Because you were here, the two cases we've kept you here for were taken care of, so you can go home! One was a really messy divorce and they decided on a bench trial, and the other was a 15-count child abuse case, and they took a plea. And, since justice has been taken care of, you're free to go!"

In our little click, we said it would have been fun to be on the divorce case, but if any of us was on the child abuse case, the person would have FRIED!

So, we left. Had great conversations with boss's boss on the way to our cars and she's actually a VERY COOL person! I like her!

6pm Tuesday I called and we were told we didn't have to come in Wednesday. So I got to go to work. Yay!

6pm Wednesday, I called and we were told we didn't have to return the remainder of the week.

So, my jury duty was a lot of sitting around, but I did get to network some, so it was all cool. And I can't wait to see NKOTBSB! Who wants to go with?

My experience with the BBB

First, I apologize to my four readers that I haven't been posting in a LONG time. It's been mostly an uneventful period. A few minorly exciting things happened, but nothing noteworthy for the four of you (Unless you count getting a Jury Duty summons).

That being said, I had my first experience with the BBB!

Here's the story.

Back in December, I ordered something off one of the online deal sites I frequent. I used Paypal as my payment method as I had money there. It was a whopping $11.44. But, I never got an order number, nor did I get the item I ordered.

So, after 30 days, I emailed them. I got no response.

Then Snowpocalypse happened [oh yeah, something exciting DID happen.. We became Hothlanta!... here's some pictures!], and there was no mail (or deliveries of ANY kind as you can see), so I gave a few more days.

Then I tried several forms of contact and absolutely nothing.

I decided to do the resolution system in Paypal. But, alas, it was just over the 45-day limit, so they wouldn't refund me my money. Darn Snowpocalypse!

So, this past Saturday, I went to the BBB online. I registered the following complaint:

I placed an order with on Dec 10 at 10:13am via their PayPal checkout system. The PayPal transaction ID is . I have not received the item I ordered, and my numerous attempts to contact for an order status have gone unanswered.

I got a standard automated reply saying "We'll look into it, but it will take several days".

Monday at 3:07pm, I got the following email:

Dear Smply Unprdctble:

This message is in regard to your complaint submitted on 1/29/2011 10:22:39 AM against . Your complaint was assigned ID .

Your complaint has been sent to the business for their response. The entire complaint process can take four to six weeks from the time we receive your complaint. Once they have responded to the BBB, we will contact you again. During the complaint process the company may try to contact you personally to clarify information or try to resolve the complaint. We encourage you to be open to their correspondence or attempt to resolve the claim. We ask that you advise us in writing by email, fax or mail if your claim is settled directly with the company.

Regards,

Person Named
The Better Business Bureau

Then, Monday at 3:51pm I got my $11.44 refunded!

This morning, I got the following from the BBB:

Dear Smply Unprdctble :

This message is in regard to your complaint submitted on 1/29/2011 10:22:39 AM against . Your complaint was assigned ID .

The business has sent the BBB a message regarding this complaint, and we are passing it on to you. The contents of this message are below or attached. Please respond to this message at your first convenience.

Regards,

Person Named
The Better Business Bureau

MESSAGE FROM BUSINESS:

I do apologize for this issue. I looked over all communication and could not locate any emails from Mr. Unprdctble. I also looked into his order and indeed there was a payment but a Paypal notification was never received so an order was never generated. I have issued a full refund back to his account and do apologize for the inconvenience.

I think it's pretty cool that it was resolved quickly. I didn't WANT to get the BBB involved, but I do have copies of several emails, including one that went through their site. If they can't find those communications, something's wrong.

That being said, I'm probably going to continue to make purchases through them. I may have to go back to the standard credit card order instead of going through Paypal (unless I remember to file a complaint within the 45 days).

Two stories with the word "smuggled" in it

Saturday, I'm sitting up in the living room watching something (Glee? Hannah Montana? Wizards of Waverly Place? Phineas and Ferb? Something) and all of a sudden, Bradley starts barking up a storm.

It was the kind of barking he does when he sees Lawn Boy working back there and he can't get out there to play.

I peeked out the back to see if someone smuggled into my back yard. Alas, I saw nobody.

He continues barking. Almost as if there's Zombies out there.

So I head downstairs and see him staring out the patio door and barking up a storm.

I get there and peek and see nobody out there. Alive or undead.

Then I see it!

On the patio there is a SQUIRREL!

And Bradley was trying to inform said Squirrel that s/he shouldn't be out there 'cuz it's HIS patio.

I quietly open the door and let him storm out, chasing the squirrel up the tree. That'll teach him! (Ok, probably not, but it was fun to watch)

---

So, some random girl from the other side of the floor comes over here and says very shyly, "hi..."

I go very energetically,"HI!!!!!"

She asks if we're the appropriate people to go to with Essbase installation issues.

I said "not particularly, but I'm feeling in the holiday spirit to not let you deal with desktop support, so I'll help you!"

She looks over on the side of my desk and points and says "is that...."

I said "Yep, it's a water feature!"

She says "They let you bring it.."

I said "Yep, I smuggled it in!"

She looked blankly.

Weird Star Alignment

Ok, so I've had times in my past where stars weirdly aligned and I ran into people I knew. Like the time I went and got my hair cut at the same place someone I went to college with at the same time... and we went to college like 1200 miles from here.

Or the time I went to the UPS Store to mail myself something and dude said "Your name sounds familiar" and came to find out we gamed online together several years prior.

Or even the time that I found out someone I went to school in SC and I happened to cross paths about the time I moved back south and she moved up north, and we had our own mini-class-reunion.

But today, Internets, SO MANY stars had to align for this to happen.

Two companies ago, I worked with this awesome person in HR. Let's call her Sunflower. No, she doesn't have a hippy mom [at least I don't think], but she does like the sun. We worked on a couple projects together to make her life easier at work.

So, I'm in traffic in Buckhead today and there's someone honking at me two lanes over in a convertible. I look and see a female waving at me, so I'm like "Obviously she has me confused for someone else, because I'm GAY."

I keep staring and think "She's almost familiar, but I can't recognize her.. maybe she has one of those familiar faces... I mean, I have a lot of people think they know me when they don't."

Then a minute later my phone rings.

"Hello?"
"Smply?"
"Um.. yes..?"
"It's Sunflower."
"Sunflower...? SUNFLOWER!"
"I'm stuck in traffic here in Buckhead, and saw a green truck with a rainbow sticker on it and the only person I know with that combination is Smply Unprdctble. And I managed to remember your phone number spells HOT-STUF, so that's how I was able to remember it and I tried it." [Note: my number does NOT spell HOT-STUF. Please don't try to call it.]

Now, I haven't seen her in like six or so years. But, let's sit and take an investigation of all the things that actually had to happen for this to occur.

1. First, Sunflower had to be living in Buckhead, as she was on her way home.
2. Second, my Hot Massage Therapist had to be in Buckhead, as I was leaving her office.
3. Third, my Hot Massage Therapist had to move me from my regular day of Wednesday to Friday since she got sick this week.
4. Next, my Hot Massage Therapist had to invite me to Doc Chey's for dinner.
5. Then I had to accept and follow her there, which is opposite my direction home.
   
6. Add into that all the exact times that had to happen for Sunflower to see me.
7. Factor in the fact she had to see me two lanes away

Now, if that isn't star-aligned enough, she had told me she was JUST thinking about me. You see, one of the things I helped make her work-life easier with was something called "Common Review". It's some HR process that they help make sure people's ratings get averaged appropriately. She's working on that in her new job, and pulled out old spreadsheets with code and everything I wrote for her. She was trying to make her new computer-geek person she works with help her update them for her new company and she told him how awesome I was in developing them. PLUS, she had to remember my number was HOT-STUF. That completely came out of the blue for her.

So, we have a TON of items that had to fall together for our happenstance meeting in traffic and for her to be able to call me. It's all amazingly incredible!

So, we're going to find a way to grab dinner or something in order to finally catch up!

My dentist appointment

Quick back story.

As y'all know, I went and had Invisalign done. As part of the treatment, they had to put "buttons" on my teeths. After my treatment, my hot lesbian dentist scraped most of the buttons off, but every now and then I would find a spot that wasn't completely removed. Now begins our story.

I went to my hot lesbian dentist's office yesterday. AWESOME redesign she did! I mean, BEAUTIFUL! I was all confused when I stepped in.

My hygienist takes me into the back and I show her where there was a missed portion that needed to be scraped off. She spends a minute to do the scraping and I do the fingernail test and it's all smooth (in retrospect, I now miss it, but I digress).

She stepped away for a minute to grab something and came back.

She started my cleaning in the back of my mouth. She finished with the first tooth (Tooth #2) and started on the next one and she asks, "What was that stuff I just scraped off your tooth?"

I looked at her mildly confused and said "lunch?"

She starts laughing and telling me I'm crazy. I'm still mildly confused and she said "When I first started... On your front tooth!"

I busted out laughing hysterically.

Goes to show how awesome our English language is!

But, the rest of the cleaning and checkup went awesome. And my hot lesbian dentist came in and we talked and I said "I helped pay for this with my Extreme Makeover Dental Edition. Can I have that area over there dedicated to me? :)" (yes, I said ":)")

Have I mentioned lately how much I love my dentist?

Blue Balls

So, a few weeks ago, I found this really awesome sounding recipe for blue balls.

I convinced my friend Mikers to make it for his Labor Day cookout thing he was doing. It took a bit of convincing, but he did it.

I had fun discussing the whole ordeal.

Ranging from "Mikers is offering me a taste of his blue balls" to "I just left Mikers place with blue balls" to discussing the "after-effect" of the blue balls, including pictures (which I will refrain from this blog for now).

I'm sure y'all want to know what these blue balls look like.

Today, I brought the leftovers to work. And I got to go around the office asking if people "want some blue balls". It was quite exciting (and I figured as long as I had them in hand, it was not an HR violation).

Everyone thinks the side effect is a blue tongue.... MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA