Seriously -- a saw!

Yesterday, I went to my hot lesbian dentist to get more IPR done for my straightening.

As I went to the back, I said "I have one request: I need a picture of this saw because people don't believe me."

So, here it is:

It really is as scary as it looks! The blade is probably the diameter of a quarter, maybe a bit smaller. It's very very thin, though.

They had three places they needed to do for me. And, let me tell you, it wasn't pleasant. Did I mention they don't numb you for this?

So, she's trying to get this saw in my mouth and she's like "be VERY still!"

Really? Very still... I have a SAW BLADE in my mouth... any thoughts of me moving end with me being decapitated. I've seen scary movies.

So, she's trying to work it, but apparently a couple of my teeth are very tight together. So, instead of using that, she brought out some metal sandpaper.

SANDPAPER! I didn't get a picture of this one because I was wanting it to be over. Of course, the sandpaper in my mouth wasn't very pleasant. Especially around the gums.

After about 20 mins or so, it was over. I was relieved. And saw a splotch of blood on the bib. I was like "I thought you said you weren't intentionally hurting me? Blood means intentional! ;-)" (Yes, I said "winking smiley-face")

I left the office with trays 4-10. Which means I don't have to see her until September 30th (unless I have a cleaning with her before then. I don't recall when that is). But, right now, my teeths are aching some...

Tray 3

Ok, so my last few posts have been about my Invisaligns. I haven't done anything of any significance the past few weeks (Ok, I have, but I haven't gotten around to filling anyone in 'cuz the projects aren't done), so I'm waiting.

Anyways, I got tray three yesterday. And BUTTONS!

Yeap. In the original videos, you see the red things. They're little pieces of (white) filling material bonded to my teeths. That was an adventure. First I had tray 3 put in. that was a LOT of difficulty. Then, took them out and put the filling material in the button spaces in tray 3 and solidified it in place. The fun part was "Ok, take them out".

Didn't happen. It took a LOT of work to get those trays out. But the buttons were filed down a tad to make it a tad easier. Still not fun. It makes a huge KLUNK when I take them out, though.

Tray 2 is worse than Tray 1

And I'm not talking loading printer trays.

Two weeks ago I got Tray 1 of my Invisaligns. Today I put in Tray 2. I don't remember Tray 1 feeling this tight and painful. Either that or it was and I just managed to totally forget about it.

Advil is my friend today.

I love being insane!

So, I sent the following email to a bunch of friends:

Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina One dog chow for Bradley, at Wal-Mart and was standing in line about to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. First thing I thought was 'where is your sign, lady', but decided to go with it...So...On impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina weight loss diet again.

I said I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is, you load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete... so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, to say the least.

Totally horrified, the lady asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no; I had stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard.

WAL-MART asked me not to shop there anymore.

Hilarious, eh?

I love the responses I got from my friends -- about me being too hysterical or how much they wish they could have been there to see it. One even said I was their hero because I got kicked out of WalMart (wouldn't be the first time).

The sad part is that story, alas, is not mine. But, apparently I'm insane enough that it really could have been me. And, who knows -- maybe I'll get the opportunity to do it one day!

Swine Flu

So, I've started up my coughing again.

That "I feel like there's something in the back of my throat when I try to breathe, so I end up doing a pretty big cough" kinda cough.

It's a throat cough, not a chest cough. But it's a cough.

But, I'm doing the coughing. The coworker of mine who sits in the next cube over (I swear I need to get nicknames for these peeps) keeps saying "Bless You."

So, I finally responded -- "Thanks. I think I have Swine Flu -- and I've had Swine Flu since before it was cool to have Swine Flu!"

A Blog o' Tweets!

I felt unmotivated to do any real posting today, but I had some great Twitter Updates that I figured I'd share. In order of earliest to latest, and not in the Twitter Timeline order.

http://twitpic.com/4rxnr - I've been Rick-Rolled!

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@Fran429 Yes 'cuz the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog!

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YES! Keyboard Cat plays off this week's News of the Absurd podcast!

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#FollowFriday @nerdist @newsoftheabsurd @chickenpoppod

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@PinkPrincessRun Gee... now I have that song stuck in my head... and I haven't seen that video in forever... time to find it...

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aahh.. yes... here we go! http://tinyurl.com/66hewz

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http://tinyurl.com/osq7sf -- 303,000 text messages in a month? DAYUMN! Does that girl sleep?

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http://tinyurl.com/coxd2s -- OMG, I love The Onion!

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Um....yeah. Just...watch this. IT IS REAL. http://tinyurl.com/cu3kj7 (via @nerdest via @paulscheer)

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Ok, it's 4pm and I JUST realized my underwear is on inside-out.

'Nuff said!

From the desk of "This can't REALLY happen, can it?"

So, I work in Downtown Atlanta. Our director decided he wanted to do something special for some award winners we have in our department. A cupcake cake in the shape of a star was ordered.

I took one look at the cake and said "I have to go back and get my phone. People won't believe me without a picture."

After I took a picture, someone else commented, "That must have came from MLK or somewhere else in the ghetto."

It tasted good, though (well, as good as overwhipped sugary whipped topping can be).