SURPRISE!

Dear Internets,

I know it's been a while since I've posted. Mostly because I haven't had a lot to post about. Until now.

You see, I'm famous for my surprises. It's happened more than once.

Anyways, Mother was having minor surgery* today. I decided that I wanted a break from work, so I thought, "Self, why don't you surprise her and show up when she's waking up from the surgery?"

Knowing I'd need an insider, I IM'd Sis and said "I think I'm gonna come up and surprise Mother!" The idea was she and I would wear the same shirt. As she's dropping Mother off, she would say "Like my shirt? Smply got it for me for my birthday. And when Mother was waking up, I'd go in and when she asked what I'm doing here, I'd say "Don't you remember? I brought you here? I even showed you the shirt Sis got me for Christmas!"

She and I worked out details. I flew into Boston yesterday and stayed with friends in NH (per usual, only this time we didn't have lobstah. Still a bit sad about that, but I'll survive).

Anyways, I headed out to Western Mass this morning sporting my shirt. and arrived at the hospital fairly close to noon. I gave Sis a hug and REALLY HAD TO PEE!

We're sitting in the waiting room waiting for the magic screen to change colors as Mother went through the various stages of surgery. Then her doctor comes out and says "She's done" -- we were like "but.. the colors didn't change!"

I go back there and turn the corner and Mother says "What the f--k are you doing here?" Amazing! She recognized me without glasses!

She was all excited and happy to see me. I really made her day. Put a smile on my face.

We're talking and stuff as she's waiting to be let go and she said she had a dream last night that I showed up. (Last night, I even talked to her and I told her she may have hallucinations as she's waking up from the anesthesia, and she was like "I better not see you!"

I giggled.

While at the hospital, we decided on how to surprise Nan. Initially, I wanted to have Mother go upstairs and say "Guess who picked me up from the hospital." But that kinda would give something away. So, instead we decide on "You'll never believe who I saw at the hospital."

So, Mother gets discharged about 2ish. We head home, and get Mother in Sis's place. My cousin is heading downstairs for a smoke, and I'm motioning for him to not say a word. Mother pees and then we head upstairs to see Nan, with me sneaking in tow.

Mother goes in and Nan's like "How are you feeling?" (all while she's on the phone with my aunt) and Mother says, "You'll never believe who I saw at the hospital."

Nan is like, "Ray?" (whoever that is)

I poke my head in the door and quietly say "Surprise" as to not give her a heart attack.

She doesn't hear me.

"Surprise!", I proclaim a little louder.

The third time I say Surprise, Mother points at me. Nan's like "OOOHH!!! What are you doing here?"

The nieces were pretty funny. I came back downstairs and the eldest was in the living room as I poked my head in. Her eyes went HUGE and said "What are you doing here?"

The younger was HILARIOUS. She was at gymnastics, so Sis went to go pick her up. she came running in and turned the corner in the living room and was asking (who she presumed was her dad) where the eldest was. Then her eyes went gigantic and said, "WOAH!"

So, that's my latest story, Internets. It's been pretty fun so far (except it's warm up here and people don't believe in air conditioners. I don't quite understand that). I have other news related to work I'll post later. I don't want to bog down my fun surprise with boring work stuffs.

Love y'all!

P.S. You should call me using the link to the right and say how much fun you thought the surprise was!

*The minor surgery was she had to have growths removed from her areas.

Who the Internets thinks I am

So, on my facebook page, I started the discussion about the 2010 Census and something came out on Internet searches in "public databases."

The site brought up is Spokeo.

The example link provided against someone looked a little uncanny, so I decided to search for myself.

This is what it thinks I am:
Ok, early 30's, check.
Caucasian, check.
Single, check
Reading? Seriously?
Gemini? Um... NO!
Children? Ok, they get that one as a TECHNICALITY
And I like to think my neighborhood is Above Average!

But, that's not all that's on the page:
Again, loves reading? Seriously? Do they think I'm my sister?
Healthy Living? They obvi don't go through my trash!
Subscribes to magazines? No I don't. The one magazine I get, I don't know how I'm getting it and how to stop it!
Donates to causes? Ok, only aminals!
And, really, I'm not interested in politics.

But wait, there's more!
There's that technicality of children again.
It thinks I don't have central air or heat? In this state? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
And seriously? Home value? I WISH! Can a home be valued that much without central? In this state, that is -- obvi Massachusetts would be different.

I went further. I searched my sister under her maiden and married names. Her married name has next to nothing, but her maiden name has a bit more. And her husband looked pretty uncanny with all his interests.

Alas, it didn't have my grandmother, and she's been in that house for like 85 years.

Guess we can't truly trust everything on the Internets!

I almost died on the table today

WARNING! DO NOT READ THIS POST IF YOU ARE SQUEAMISH, EMBARRASS EASILY, OR WANT TO KEEP YOUR ALLUSION THAT I'M INNOCENT! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

So, I was visiting with my Hot Massage Therapist today.

When we're together, we have some odd conversations. But today I think we took the cake.

We were talking about random things from boys to work to whatever. Then she starts talking about how she's a flirt. But not an "ordinary" flirt, but she gets a bit "suggestive" in her text message flirting.

I asked, "You mean you say things like 'I want to suck your cock'?"

She said, "No, a little more suggestive than that."

So, I go "Like 'I want you to eat my pussy until I squirt all over your face'?"

That's when we both lost it. I started giggling, she started laughing, then we both started laughing hard. Laughing so hard, I turned quite red, couldn't breathe, then literally was crying. All while still on the massage table. So, it made it harder to breathe and catch my breath.

She then goes, "I don't think I could type that on my phone."

I lose it again. I can't breathe I'm laughing so hard. In fact, I almost fell off the table.

I finally made us change the subject so we can catch our breath. In all, it was an awesome laugh. Best I've had in a while.

When my session was over, I tried to compose myself and got dressed.

As I left, I said, "You know what my sister's nickname was while we were growing up?"

"What?"

"Squirt!"

That started us again.

On the way home, I txt'd her:

Now, just copy and paste:
I want you to eat my pussy until I squirt all over your face!

Apparently I'm a mess!

(This doesn't include the other off conversation about her hot client after me)

Also, I ate out three females

So, I went out with a group of awesome friends last night for my birthday at the Hu Ke Lau. Big fun was had by all!

We got there and had some foodstuffs. Triple Lobstah, to be exact! Oohh, it was good. Except, out of the twelve lobstahs that came out on the table, I managed to somehow get three chicks.

They had good drinks also. Very good drinks!

After dinner, they brought out the awesome carrot cake Carla bought for my birthday (it's healthy 'cuz it has carrots in it!). Awesome happy birthday montage and everything. Needless to say it wasn't just my birthday, but it was great!

After cake, they asked for people to come up on stage to learn some traditional dance. Of course, I was invited up, and we were dancing while waiting for the lessons:



Shut up! I know I can't dance! (more about that in a minute)

Anyway, we're introduced to the "Fruit Salad" dance. Here's a little preview of us learning:



That's where things take a twist. Apparently as we're "Fruit Salading", one of the hula dancers brings me back stage. I was hoping to come across the hot male dancer, but, alas no. I was placed into costume and informed she and I were going to go out and perform some special dance.

While all that happened, my sistah apparently got to learn another fruit salad:



Then it happened -- I was told we're going to go out on stage and perform the special dance.

"Are you ready?"

"Uh..."

And I'm thrown out in the middle of the stage like some bad sitcom. Spotlight on me. I have no idea what's going on. So, I start dancing (again, shut up!)



Oh yeah, I was bad!

Finally, chickie showed up and we did our thing. It was pretty fun:



At the end, there was a huge bump with me in the middle. Carla informs me some guy just gawked insanely and she had to holler "BUT HE'S GAY!"

In all, I've decided I have awesome friends up here that I totally miss while I'm in Hotlanta. Maybe I can convince some of them to come down for a visit! :)

My own mother didn't recognize me!

So, I did it again. I showed up unannounced.

I flew into Boston Logan International Airport yesterday afternoon. I stayed with a pair of awesome friends of mine in Portsmouth, NH for the night. We went out for twin lobstah to celebrate my birthday. It was GOOOOD!

Then I got up this morning (which coincidentally is my birthday) and saw a tweet from my sistah saying it's snowing. I laugh at her and log into my AIM account and head towards Western Massachusetts.

During the drive, she and I have a bit of conversation (heaven bless technology allowing me to AIM from my phone to eliminate any potential suspicion). When I arrive in town, I show up at her place d'emploi and get to the top of the stairs and proclaim, "You know why it's snowing, right?"

I could tell she was about to say "No, why?" -- but she pauses and stares for a moment and goes "YOU JERK! You need to quit showing up unannounced!"

I told her we needed to come up with some way to surprise Mother. I told her to make some excuse to go to WalMart or something.

Then, I decided it was Nan's turn. I thought about calling her, but decided I'd knock. I'd be good.

When I got there, my cousin and his son had just arrived and she was closing the door. I said "Heylo!"

Nan (in her 85 years on this earth) was a little startled as she turned around to see what was going on. She got all excited and I gave her a hug and was like "Don't collapse on me! Don't collapse on me! Don't collapse on me!"

I sit and talk to her for a bit and she said she had to go get a nerve pill thanks to me. I know, I'm a bad grandson.

My sister got home and said she told Mother that she wanted to go to WalMart after her husband got home. I told her that was too late. But! My sister knew which bar Mother was in, so we decided to just go there and show up.

I would TOTALLY have video this time, but my camera's battery was dead (some idiot didn't check to make sure the camera was in the "off" position when arriving in NH).

Since we all know all about my mother, I'm not even going to go into the details back story.

We walk into the bar and Mother's back is turned. Sistah is motioning the "shh" symbol telling everyone to be quiet. I put my arm around Mother and say "Well hello!" and give her a kiss.

Sis comes right behind and we're having a jolly old time talking. I make comments about "No heart attacks this time?" and talk about various things from the last visit and she's clueless. After about two minutes I say, "What? No happy birthday?"

She rebutes with "It's your birthday too.... You f**ker! What are you doing here?"

I start laughing and go "What, you didn't recognize me?"

"Nope! I was gonna call <sister's> later and ask who came here with her and gave me a hug and kiss."

HOW EMBARASSING! Not even recognizing you!

Meme -- whatever that is

Dudes, Princess Sparkle Pants was mean and tagged me.

The Rules for this meme:

1. Respond and rework. Answer the questions on your blog. Replace one question that you dislike with a question of your invention, and add one more question of your own.

2. Tag other people.

What is your current obsession?
CK Obsession? No wait, that's not it.

What are you wearing today?
Clothes. Specifically jeans and a polo shirt. Not from Polo though.

What’s for dinner?
I heard a rumor RuSan's.

What would you eat for your last meal?
Jesus Chicken Breakfast!

What relaxes you the most?
What's relaxed?

If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
Just the next hour? I need a lot longer than an hour to visit Australia!

Which language do you want to learn?
English. Definitely English.

What do you love most about where you currently live?
The fact it hasn't burned down with all the problems we've found? Also, I *HEART* the way my dining area is inset.

What style is your current home decorated in?
It's decorated?

If you were a time traveler what era would you live in?
I've said it once, and I'll say it again -- I HATE TIME PARADOXICALITIES! Stupid Marty McFly....

What is your favorite color?
*points to a box of 96 Crayolas* That color!

What is your favorite piece of clothing in your own wardrobe?
I cannot state that in this blog.

What were you doing ten years ago?
Ten years ago? I can barely remember ten minutes ago. Let's see... I was a computer geek for a small consulting firm in Bwahston. Was roommates with a short person. REALLY short person. Seriously, she's 4'10. I'd hate to see when she starts shinking from age.

If you had $300 now, what would you spend it on?
Again, can't say that in this blog. People will think I'm a pervert.

What are you going to do after this?
Cuss out IT more.

What are your favorite films?
The Lion King! Yeah... that's it.. Also the first three Star Wars films. And by "first three", I mean Episodes IV, V, and VI.

Your favorite books?
I'm so bored with reading lately.

Do you collect anything?
Dust bunnies!

What makes you follow a blog?
Gotta be amusing and enjoyable to read.

What was the most enjoyable thing you did today?
I can't say. But I WILL say it happened about 6am...

Ann's Question:What makes you comment on a blog?
Who is this Ann person?

Amy's Question:What is your favorite thing to do when you have some free time?
Who is this Amy person? And what is free time?

Tonya's question:What is a talent you wished you had?
I don't know Tonya, but the answer to that question is dirty as well.

Gena's question:As you may know, I am all about "Serene Moments", so what is your "Serene Moment"?
Gena is scaring me. Serene moments are when I'm with my massage therapist. Seriously, her name is Serene.

Noelle's question: If you could go to heaven who would you see, and why?
Doesn't Noelle know we're all going to go to heaven?

Vickie's question: Who is your favorite actor?
Mmmmm.... There's a whole lisit of my favorite hottie actors that I don't want to be ousting and entering them here.

Kelly's question: What was your favorite subject in school?
Definitely not PE. And is this elementary school? High school? College? My guess is the answer revolves around computers

Mommy Nintendo's: What do you want to be when you grow up? Or if you've already achieved that goal, what was it?
I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys R Us Kid.... But if I DID have to grow up, I'd like to work for a network that makes cartoons. I'm told I do an AWESOME Scooby Laugh!.

My Question: Who is your hero?
Didn't Bette Midler, Enrique Iglasias, and some other chick do songs about Heros? Oh, and let's not forget the TV show.

Okay, I am tagging: Fran and Salon Chick

'Tis the holi-daze season!

So, it's been a few days since my last posting. Sue me. I've been busy.

First, I need to announce that (thanks to me not opening all my mail) Sis and I tied for X-mas. Maybe next year I'll keep a closer tab for everyone. For those of you who are scratching your heads, it goes back to a Futurama Christmas (X-mas) episode. Hermes is delivering mail and Bender gets the most so he wins. My sister and I have a contest every year to see who gets the most cards. This year and last we both tied. (And for those of you reading this who DIDN'T send a card back, I know who you are......)

Christmas morning, Sis (and her family) and I opened gifts over the phone. See, I refuse to go up north when there's white stuff on the ground. Sis's husband won't fly and a 17 hour trip is too long when she has no vacation time (we'll ignore her getting laid off, but still). I think she, her hubby, and her children liked everything I sent her. From the adult incontinence product so she can Black Friday shop without fear to the gizmo thinggie that she can hook her video camera up to her computer and start making DVDs of her kids being really awesome in school plays and the like. (Psst.. someone tell her she can hook her VCR up to it too and record anything she's already done off).

Her kids were so cool. They each got a DS from Santa. What did they get from their awesome uncle? A game for their DS. Of course, they ask me how I knew they were getting a DS. I told them the truth: I talk with Santa all the time and Santa told me what they were getting.

Her hubby was given a PS3. He thought it was wicked awesome. Of course, she then had to go return the Mamma Mia DVD to buy the BluRay version since it's SO much clearer!

I haven't talked to my grandmother since Christmas, but I have talked to Mother. She's all ecstatic about her 8x10 photo of me, her grandson, and a drag-king Santa.

What did I get, you ask? From my grandmother, I got a JC Penny gift card. Maybe I can buy some of these awesome fashion products! Of course, I'm not a big JC Penny fan, so I'll try to find something. From Sis and her family I got some of my old stuff I had when growing up. And she bought me two really awesome RENT books and a RENT poster. Now, we won't discuss how she hates me because I already have the RENT books and I went and bought the poster while I was up visiting her. But I really liked 'em! She's so thoughtful!

That afternoon, I spent it with a former coworker of mine and his wife (and a bunch of straight people). It was.... weird. I never realized how strange straight people are until you see them congregated like that. I wore my festive Santa hat and had a good time. Until he brought out the Star Wars Holiday Special. I'm trying to figure out which movie was more painful -- that or Freddy Got Fingered.

Of course, Boxing Day and the day after were an adventure. I spent $1000 between those two days. I bought a sewing machine 'cuz I want to learn to quilt with Princess Sparklepants. I need a name for said sewing machine. My home computers are named after rodents. My plant is a RENT character. I need an awesome name for my sewing machine. I also bought a Home Theater Receiver (which BrandsmartUSA refunded the difference between their price with tax and amazon.com's price... I *HEART* them) and a desk for my new sewing machine, and some sewing materials. And a blender / food processor combination that was incredibly cheap. I can't remember what else I bought off the top of my head though.

Sunday was the best, though. I got to see my sweetie again (traditionally called "date boy" on Twitter -- I'm working on a totally appropriate nickname for him... give it time..). I gave him two Russ bears 'cuz I wanted to make someone happy. I also gave him a key to the house so he can come visit me anytime. He gave me a Sirius-XM Satellite radio and mentioned something about reaching under my dashboard.

I'd say in all it's been a great holi-daze season. I think my sweetie is the best present I got (sorry Sis).

Heart Attacks Times Three!

I know I've been bad and haven't posted in a while. But I have a valid reason! I didn't want to accidentally give a huge clue out on the ginormous surprise I started planning the middle of last week.

Anywho, the surprise was I decided to go up north and visit my family... and NOT tell them I'm coming! But, I dropped subtle hints now and then.

I flew in Thursday. After spending the evening in NH with a friend of mine, I took the drive to Western Mass. When I arrived, I txt'd sis saying, "May I call on you? And, if so, is boss person there?" -- she responded "Sure, but lady boss is here."

Then I opened the door, and she said she thought "Oh crap, man boss is here" -- except the door didn't slam, so she thought it was a customer and thought I would be phoning her any second now.

I get to the top of the stairs and say "My name is Herbie...." -- she's staring in disbelief and somehow manages to jump through her desk, while screaming "oh my god!" the entire time and gives me a huge hug. Then she informs me she was having a bit of a heart attack.

After she started calming down, I decided to go visit Nan. At 84 years old, I knew I had to be a little careful on how I approached that one. I tried calling her to kinda hint I was on my way, but she was on the phone with my uncle and no call waiting. So I walked upstairs and knocked on her door. She stared at me and blinked a few times and I had to nod my head to let her know it really was me. I totally made her day.

Then we hunted down where Mother was (local bar rom). Nan made some pretense as to why she was calling, and after she got off the phone, I drove up to the local bar room and when I walked in the door, Mother looked right at me and continued what she was doing. I stood next to her and put my arm on her shoulder. She looks at me again and goes into total shock. She couldn't say anything for like a minute. She had a mini heart attack and we almost had to call the ambulance on her. It was great!

Sis decided she didn't want to stay 'til 2:30, so we went out to lunch and went grocery shopping for Nan. I bought Nan's groceries for her. We then went to pick up her kids. The little one stared at me and really didn't recognize me. The bigger one came out of the back room and stopped in her tracks and looked at me and was like "Uncle Simply?" -- I nodded. It was cute and funny at the same time.

Went to dinner at "The Forbidden Place" because we don't have them in Georgia. It was as good as I remember. I want to go back again.

Not sure what I'm doing the next few days. Friends want to hang out. Nan wants to monopolize my time. So, I'm going to end up pissing someone off. Oh well. I've seen Nan in the past 4 years a number of times. Haven't seen a few of these other friends. I think they may get priority.

I'll keep y'all posted.

Pro-Choice or Anti-Sex

Conversation Sis and I had:

Sis: Boss just said "Remember this... That Barack Obama approves in abortion & thats all you need to know"
Sis: LOL... *I* am pro-choice
Me: I am anti-sex
Me: therefore there's no choice about it :)
Me: no children, no choice :)
Sis: LMAO!

Kinda amusing. I won't sit and rant about my whole views about the topic.

"Excuse me, sir, where are your Bawls?"

So, Sis and I had this conversation this morning after we were talking about caffeine:

Me: ...is fun to go to Microcenter (or any other geek store that sells it) and say "Excuse me, where are your Bawls?"
Sis: it doesn't taste like cough meds like Red Bull does it?
Me: never tasted red bull, but it tastes GOOD. At least the Blue Bawls does.

What is it with me and these conversations lately?

Only thing to do is jump over the moon!

I got to MOO today!

And I paid less than everyone else, too! Apparently the web site had the price as $8, but if you bought at the theater box office, you paid $20. You take THAT, Clark Howard!

For those of you who are completely lost, RENT Filmed Live on Broadway has a short stint in movie theaters across the country. I went and saw it this afternoon and was FLABBERGASTED!

First, I have to agree with other reviews and say this was MUCH better than the movie. In fact, I'm watching the movie now and the first thing out of my mind was "DAMN this sucks compared to the Broadway show!"

This captured the true essence of the show. Ok, DUH, it was recorded live there, so it should. But the camera action. Yes, I got dizzy at times, but it was TOTALLY worth getting the opportunity to see the show as it was meant to be seen in the Nederlander Theatre.

The thing I loved the most is the set was VERY simple. It was abstract enough that you truly believed you were in Mark and Roger's apartment -- or the Life Cafe -- or anywhere else the cast took you. Truly showing that simple is better!

The water works hit a lot more in this production than the movie also. I knew I shoulda brought a box of Kleenex, but I didn't. And they do acting and music in such a way to keep you from detaching yourself from the situation. Chris Columbus's problem with the movie is he kept the second half so sombre due to the death and sadness going on that you started in a downhill emotional swing and lost it. He cut out a couple songs because the audience was detaching (from feeling alive?).

The theater show, on the other hand, has Collins all somber during the start of the reprise of "I'll Cover You", but brings life out of the situation towards the end to liven everyone up. This brings us out of the emotional landslide enough to not detach by the end of the show.

And "Your Eyes" -- THAT'S the way to do that scene. It was beyond believable. It brought tears to your eyes in ways you never thought could happen. And the rest of the cast with tears running down their faces... Absolutely amazing!

I can't say enough for it.

Sis got to see it also. She LOVED it.

I'm SERIOUSLY hoping they do release this on DVD. I've read rumors, but apparently nothing's been put in writing yet. That will DEFINITELY be the reason for a Blu-Ray player!

I hate my sister

She sent me this.



Apparently this is what she thinks was her encounter.

Nonetheless, SHE SHOULDN'T SEND ME THINGS LIKE THIS!

I hate her, I tell ya -- hate her. Although, things may be different tomorrow.

My Sister Cursed Me!

It's been quiet around here. The Company has kept me busy with their standard BS around processes. So much to the point that it's not even going to be put in the labels today!

Yesterday, Sis and I had HORRIBLE experiences with the most terrifying thing on the earth. In the morning, she sent me a picture message with the following, and BEGGING for someone to kill it.


Now, I'm TERRIFIED of those things as it is. I don't need to see pictures of them. (In other news, this blog entry will NEVER be viewed by me again). She eventually had someone kill it.

I came home and let Bradley out like I normally do. I went and dressed down and decided I'd go outside to play with him also. I happened to look in the middle of the doorway and immediately slammed the door shut. Of course, at this time Bradley decided he wanted in. Since nobody would believe how freaky this incident is, I had to take a picture of it.


I took the ant spray I had and proceeded to spray that deadly animal and it laughed at me. It slid down it's web and finally decided it would try to walk on the patio. That's when I decided to somehow get the balls to KILL IT! Yes! I killed it... by stepping on it... WITH A FLIP FLOP! Of course, NOW I realize that it could have decided to jump up and bite me before the crunch of death came down on it.

But in all, Princess Sparklepants was SO proud of me!

PREVENGE!

Since April 29, my sister has been plotting revenge against me.

"Why?", you ask?

"Because I gave her a birthday present."

"This has to be some horrible birthday present!", you say?

"Nope. It was a laptop."

"Wow, will you adopt me into your family? You're such a good brother. But, why is she plotting revenge if you gave her a laptop?"

"It took her an hour to unwrap it. It was wrapped in an entire roll of saran wrap and an entire roll of duct tape."

"Ok, that's kinda mean"

But, on this date, she vowed revenge. She even went as far as to telling a few people what she was planning (which hasn't gotten back to me, but I don't care).

Well, we went halfs on Mother's Mother's Day present. She told me to send her a card and she'd give to to mom with the gift. I also needed to send Nan a mousepad, so Wal Mart seemed the place to go. Friday, I went shopping for Mother's Day cards... I'm looking at the cards, and what's on the other side of the aisle? CONFETTI!

I get everything home and am thinking "CRAP! I can't do this 'cuz I don't want confetti all over Nan's mousepad. I can't be that evil to her! It'd take her forever to get the glitter off the pad!" -- then I realize I have quart-sized freezer bags in the cupboard!

I put Nan's mousepad in the freezer bag and into the giant envelope. Signed the cards, put confetti in one of them, and sealed them and placed them in the giant envelope. Then I started pouring the confetti into the envelope... and pouring.. and pouring... and realized that you get a LOT of confetti for 97 cents!

After the giant envelope was sealed, I put packaging tape around the corners so no confetti could leak out. And I brought it to the Post Office. After the standard beginning of the conversation, we had this:

"Are there any dangerous materials in the package?"
"Is confetti a dangerous material?"
*funny look* "Um.. no"
"Ok, no dangerous materials."
"Would you like delivery confirmation on this?"
"Oh, I'll know as SOON as it gets delivered..."

It was sent out and I forgot about it.

12:14 today my phone rings and it's my sister:

"Why do you have to be such a pain in the neck?"
"Huh?"
"Not only is it all over my hands, but it's on the floor."
"Oh, you got your package!"