So, this conversation happened...

I sent the following pic to a friend with the subject line "No Winner":

A discussion went back and forth talking about the Gremlins universe.  The question came up of "If Gizmo ate after midnight, would he become evil?"

I proposed yes because it violated the three cardinal rules.

Then he came back with the following quote:

According to the novelization of the first film, the mogwai are a result of genetic manipulations by an alien scientist to create a creature that would evoke good-naturedness and goodwill amongst the galaxy. However a slight miscalculation caused all but 1 in 10,000 to be mischievous and/or evil and the transformation mogwai can go through being totally unintended. Only one in ten thousand are gentle, and as a result is hated by their brethren. Also, this previously mentioned mogwai is effectively immortal. As Gizmo is gentle, and has a long list of historical figures that have owned him, it is clear that he is this mogwai type. If this mogwai eats after midnight though, he will lose his longevity, becoming a typical gremlin. 

So, basically I was right.  But, I didn't leave it there.  I responded with, "That's not in my 'novelization'" and attached the following pics:

That prompted a question of "Are those photos on the internet or do you actually have those?"

To which I had to respond, "What kind of stupid question is that?  Of course I have them!"

I mean, seriously -- why would I reference that novelization if I didn't have it?  Much less show with pics! :D

You must comply!

So, at work I got an email today about some compliance training I must take by today or they'll email my manager.

I was like "I don't remember getting a notice before I had this stuff due" until I sorted through my inbox and found it was initially sent Feb 24.  Oh well.

So, I did the online training thing.  It was a quintet of videos.  Considering the level of stupidness in them, I thought I'd share.

The first one was my favorite by far:

I think the last time I had that level of "OMG, that's just stupid" was when I was forced to watch "Freddy Got Fingered."

Then the training videos went on to a complete joke:

I love the Compliance Officer's look when she tells him to sit down and shut the door.  The only way it could have been better is if they gotten Mrs Davis from Big Bang Theory to be her:

The third video involves something my family has a lot of love for... a bathroom!

I'm thinking it started to get a little more disturbed than the video intended (I think contractor wanted more than her bathroom).

Then, we went on to a crazy lady:

My issue with that video isn't that she took another job that could be conflicting her interest, rather the fact she's not doing her regular job.  Granted, that could be where the conflict stems, but it just didn't catch me.

Finally, we go to a coffee shop:

Yep... apparently stealing money is a conflict of interest.  I thought it was just theft :)

So, now that y'all have seen the videos, you're as compliant as I am with conflicts of interest... Now, where's my unicorn fur gloves?

I went and got a new phone!

So, I *heart* T-Mobile.  They have the most awesome prices and their coverage where I live is great! (we won't discuss if I want to visit a friend at the edge of coverage in Enfield, CT... or if I go to the Berkshires... but, seriously, how often is that, and if I'm in either of those places, I don't even care about my phone!).  Anyways, I got an email about getting a Samsung Galaxy Light for $48.  Yes... $48!  Not only that, but they would let me put it on their EIP program and it wouldn't cost me $48 up front.  Nooo... It would cost me sales tax up front and $2/mo for $48 months.  I can probably find more than that if I actually decided to roll and cash in the spare change collection I have all over my house.

Anyways, I go in the T-Mobile store by me.  I'm in a good mood because I'm going to be leaving with a new device (I'm optimistic!).  The manager was helping someone (I think she was a lesbian and she definitely looked like she could beat me up... But, I love lesbians, so I digress), and this mom and daughter arrived at the same time as me, and since I was polite and held the door for them.

The lesbian-like-person the manager was helping was eventually pushed off to some other T-Mobile employee who walked in (I'm guessing he was on his break when the lesbian-like-person came in?) -- I heard the manager talking her into a Galaxy S4.  Once she was pawned off to be rung up, the manager asked if the three off us were together.  I said "Nope, but they were here just before me."

The T-Mobile folks were totally friendly while I was waiting...  I was being offered a seat on the most uncomfortable looking "couch" I've ever seen.  I declined it and instead was eyeing some accessories after I saw I could EIP that as well.

The problem the girls in front of me were having was the child had gotten a warranty replacement, but it stopped working.  Manager said it was because who they bought it from stopped paying, so it got blocked.  It took a few minutes before the explanation of "this device came from T-Mobile" got through.  I found it odd that it would happen, but no company is perfect.  I guess the manager called the special Bat Hotline and got the phone unblocked through the magical elves on the other end of the line.  (Oh gee... now I'm imagining the T-Mobile Elf... I so want to elf-nap him... hold on a minute while I remember...

...ok, fantasy over)

Then it came to be my turn!

I handed Barbee (the manager) the print out of the email offer I got and said "I'd like this!"  She said that she was selling her last one at that very moment.  I looked at her and said "I'm in front of you, so I'm the only one you're talking to at this moment, so it's me, right?"

She said "No" as she pointed to the lesbian-like-person she was helping as I walked in the door.

I pointed myself to the lesbian-like-person and said "CURSE YOU!" in a highly cheerful and facetious tone as I shook my fist.  She giggled.  I was glad because I did not want to be mauled to pieces.

I asked Barbee if she could call Cumberland to see if they have any.  She paused and said "wait a minute, let me see if there's any in the shipment that came in" and walked into that magical back room that I'm picturing is something like Scrooge McDuck's vault, except instead of a swimming pool of gold, it's a swimming pool of cell phones.

She returns with one in hand and says that there was ONE in the shipment the got.

I don't know if I trust that statement, but I got my phone, so I don't care!

So, I was talking and said "hey... since you have it, I also saw a sign over there that says you'll EIP accessories of a certain price point.  I'm interested in that thing over there that I'm pointing to, but is behind that display, but I know I'm pointing right at it.  You know which one I'm talking about, right?"

She said "Of course.  The LG Tone, right?"

(mind you, I never got close enough to it to even hint at it if she was watching me earlier)

"Of course!", I replied.

She went to the back to see if they had any untouched ones back there (the one on display apparently had been fondled and tugged by kids since it was on the bottom shelf).  She brought out one and said "I only have this white one from the back... the one out here is black."

I said "I prefer the black one... and the one in your hand prefers to be called 'caucasian'" :)

She almost wet herself laughing at that point.  (Barbee's not white)

As we're ringing things up, she asks me if I tell her I want it all on EIP.

She gets the Tone on there, but tries to tell me the phone won't go on EIP.

I said "The email says 24 payments of $2, That's EIP!"

She looked back at the computer and said "oh, so it is on EIP.  Usually under fifty bucks can't go on EIP.  I guess they changed it for the promo."

Then she asks if I want JUMP.

I said "It's a $48 dollar phone.  I am not paying however much a month for insurance / upgradeability on a phone that's going to be my backup phone.  If it breaks, big whoop."

She pressures again offering a $10 credit on my bill.

(Yes, I know they get points or something for signing up for JUMP, but I seriously don't want that hassle.  I LOVE helping people get things... I fill out the surveys from Chick-fil-A even though I don't cash in the free sandwich because I know number of replies impacts their employee discount.  But, at the same time, I'm not going to sign up for something to get someone bonus points if I have to remember to cancel it.)

She finally gets the total and says "Guess how much you have to pay today."

I said "Nothing?  Oh wait... sales tax... I guess whatever 6% of however much my grand total is!"

Wound up being $7.07.  I was like "I don't know if I can afford that... I mean, it's more than my EIP monthly payment!"

She then starts talking about it being a backup phone and asks if I have my primary device.  I pulled out my Nexus5.  She wants to put the SIM in the GLight.  I was like "Can't I just bring it home?  Oh wait, you need to make sure it works before I leave the store.  Gotcha!"

I don't have my SIM Ejector Tool.

She pulls out a (kinda large) paper clip.  It's too big.

She then asks dude if he has the SIM Ejector Tool.

She goes to his desk and comes back with some Ejector Tool with a "G" on the holder-part.  It's too big.  Just barely.

She finds a smaller paper clip and we manage to get my SIM out.  She pops it into the GLight and turns it on.

She apparently skips allowing me to log into my Google account for some reason.  That irked me.  (I like doing it from the start for OCD purposes... which means I had to factory reset when I got home... but I digress).  While she's trying to get everything past so she can do the test call, an incoming call comes in.  She points the phone towards me and asks if I need to take it.

I stare and realize it's my sister's phone number -- soley based on the area code (I would have totally known had my Google Account been sync'd... grrr :)).  I answer it and tell my sister I'll call her right back and explain what's going on.  She does the test call, then asks if I want to put the SIM back in my N5.  I said "nnaa... let me play with the GLight for a bit."

She asks if I need help pairing my new Bluetooth.  I said "nnaa...  I'll figure it out... I may not be good at following directions, but I am good at reading them!"


So, yeah -- I have a new backup phone (previously it was my Nokia 3585... I think that will now be my backup-backup phone)... and a new Bluetooth headset.  All for like a $4.91/mo increase in my phone bill.  It's almost like Christmas!  Ok, I'm back on that Elf again... seriously, if anyone can just send him my way....

You're impeding the progress of a minority!

So, I have two tickets for report changes for the peeps I like to support and everyone else hates because "they're too demanding."

Ok, had two tickets.  I sent one over to the Admin team because the "simplest" fix to that report is for the data to get fixed (an elimination didn't eliminate it to 0, rather to -1)

Anyways, I have a report fix for that in case the Admin team can't do their job, and I also have a set of reports for the other ticket I'd like to do.

Except, I can't do anything.

We're required to do our development in DEV now.  Except, DEV has no data for the application these reports point to.  And when I mean no data, the database file size is 0.  For some reason those idiots in Technical cleared the application.

So, I made the changes in DEV and was like "I'll test it in UAT!" -- So, I imported the reports into UAT.  Nope.  There's something going on with UAT that the reports will not run.

I've sent a number of emails to Technical saying "hey, you're preventing me from working" (I want to put "you're impeding the progress of a minority!", but they may get too confused).

I'm about ready to be like this:

These are not the droids you are looking for

So, I'm working from home yesterday.

I'm grooving through, being lazy an doing nothing getting things done, then all of a sudden, there's a knock-knock-knock at my door.

Now, the last time there was a knock at my door, it was Trick or Treaters.  Apparently this time it was just a Trick.

I open the door hoping it's the hot pest control guy, only to find this gentleman wearing yellow jeans (seriously? I know I know nothing about fashion, but REALLY?  Yellow jeans?  I don't understand).

"Are you expecting me?" he asks.

I give him a look of "I need more clarification as to what you're talking about, Willis."

He adds, "I'm Chris...?"

I look at him a little further and realize he's a homosexical.  DEFINITELY not my type.  And I responded "Oh!  I think you're looking for next door!" (ya know.. my gaybors)

It's not the first time something like this has happened.  I've had one other knock related to a trick my gaybor set up a few years ago, coincidentally on another work from home day (what's up with people not reading addresses?  Or, at least CALL the person you're expecting to meet to make sure you got the right house?).  Then there's the story of someone who accidentally went to the gaysian's house [opposite side of the gaybor], nobody was home, and went the wrong direction to walk in on a neighbor laying on the floor with his infant son.  (That one, apparently the cops got called and that)

To make things funnier, since it was my work from home, I hadn't showered yet, so I was all funky and hair all over.  The only thing I could imagine going through the poor trick's head was "he SO doesn't look like his pic!"

It's the Great Pumpkin!

First, this year was my very first year putting up a Halloween decoration!  It surprises a bunch of people because... well...  I'm a big kid at heart.  Behold my decoration:

Pretty cool, right?  Well, it actually gets better, believe it or not.  I did NOT know this happens, but that night I came home and saw:

I was all "OMG, that's awesome!"

So, I did all the decorationing and it was pretty cool.  And we had our neighborhood Halloween event.  I did a bit of dressing up:

Pretty fun, eh?  Too bad they didn't have a costume contest category for my age...  ah well :)

Last night was Tricks or Treats.  That was an adventure.  I made little goodie bags for the beggars trick or treaters.  I figured that was a little better than the "random grabbing of candy" that never got mixed up well in my buckets.  They got Smarties, Reese's Cups, Butterfingers, and Paydays.  Pretty good haul, eh?  Well, unless you have a peanut allergy.

I had some pretty good kids come by.  My favorite thing to do is just stare at them until they say "Trick or Treat".  It confuses them at first, but, gotta teach them young that they gotta do things right!

At about 9:00, the rest of the lights in my field of view had turned off, so I turned my porch light off and went upstairs to find something.  At 9:05, there came a tapping at my door.  Not this kind of awesome tapping, but still.  So, I went downstairs and opened the door.

I heard the infamous "Trick or treat!!" greeting.

I asked "Why did you knock instead of ringing the doorbell?" of the COSTUMELESS kids that were at my door.

"We couldn't find the doorbell button," was their reply.

"Aahh...  That's right... Things are easier to see when a porch light is on.  This one is off.  That explains why the doorbell wasn't rung, but isn't an off light the international sign that there's no trick or treat at this location?"

The kids all started apologizing, and I sent them on their merry way.

I did have PLENTY of leftover candy I would have given them if they were in costume (I'm not THAT evil), but at that point, they were like drug addicts -- going around begging for their sugar fix :D

Next year, I think I'm going to do two goodie bags -- one similar to this years for the kids in costume, and one with things like raisins and dental floss for the kids out of costume!

Weird conversation with my boss

I thought I'd share a conversation I had with my boss while at work today.

Yes, today is Sunday and I'm at work.

No, I don't like it either

[13:51] are you just making up things for Idiot Consultant to do now?
[13:51] what did I make up this time?  (and probably)
[13:51] something about non issues in task force log..
[13:52] I never mentioned the log -- he must have taken it upon himself to look at what's in the log
[13:53] that's what he did
[13:53] where teh DEC 2001 aren't filtered correctly for some reason
[13:53] then I put a couple of the formatting things, and even put "The Company" next tot hem
[13:53] tot hem?
[13:53] and I put my comment about the refresh button gone
[13:53] next to them
[13:54] my fingers get out of sync sometimes
[13:54] it's a problem when you can type >100wpm
[13:54] I write monkey talk but I cant read it
[13:54] that almost made milkshake come out of my nose.  And I know for a fact that kind of milkshake don't bring the boys to the yard
[13:54] i just blow pepsi out by nose
[13:55] blew

Dear McDonalds (Again)

I would like to share my feedback I'm providing to my local McDonald's.  I understand going back was probably a mistake after my previous incident.  Especially after their response.  But, it's a completely new building with new management.  It should be better, right?

Anyway, here goes:

I would like to make you aware of my most recent visit. 

At approximately 7:45pm this evening, I entered the restaurant.  I noted who appeared to be the manager sitting at a table with a couple employees.  Based on the excerpts I heard, scheduling was being discussed. 

I was the only customer in the restaurant, as it appeared.  I stepped back as I was making my decision as is polite. 

Upon making my decision (An Angus CBO meal large-sized), I approached the counter.
I watched the one of the employees trying to make a smoothie.  I also watched the other three gathered around someone's smartphone looking at what I'm assuming was photos.  After a full 60 seconds, "Smoothie Girl" asked if I had been helped yet.  I responded with no, and walked out of the restaurant. 

Being ignored for a full minute in an empty restaurant is unacceptable.  Also, in my opinion, employees playing on their cellular devices while on the clock is unacceptable. 

This visit, combined with my previous two where my orders were given to me incomplete and weren't noticed until I got home, shows me that even though the building may be fresh and new, the employees' training is not.

Paul Ryan is an asshole. And there were riots!

This post probably is violating a lot of rules.  Some I know, some I probably don't.  Either way, my disclaimer at the bottom of the page is SUPPOSED to keep me safe if HR is right.

Additionally, I apologize for the profanity.

I would like to announce I was an Undecided Voter.  Not particularly the SNL kind.  But, I was undecided. Simply because there's things about each candidate I liked.  The keyword now is "WAS!"

So, my commute this evening took TWO FUCKING HOURS!

Yes.

Two hours to travel sixteen miles.  That's an average of what?  Eight miles per hour, math geeks?

I'm on Williams St, and get stopped around the TBS building (Although, according to those bumps on Adult Swim, I think that's where those folks are at.  I don't know... *shifts eyes coyly*) like I normally do after I turn onto Williams St from 10th.

And then, we're not really moving.  I mean, we're kinda moving as if there's a huge accident and people are having difficulty moving around.

A few more light cycles (not to be confused with a light cycle), I decided there must be some major accident.  I can't do anything about it, so I don't stress... I just chilled, cranked the music and started laughing.

Then the information started coming in.

It wasn't an accident.

I noticed that it didn't look like there was anyone at all on the interstate.  That was weird.

Then my worst fears were found.

I present you this tweet:  https://twitter.com/ajcwsbtraffic/status/261217358453018624

That ASSHOLE decided to shut down THE DOWNTOWN CONNECTOR DURING RUSH HOUR so he could raise funds to get people to vote for him and his presidential co-runner?

How many things are wrong with that?

He pissed off how many millions of voters?

Let's not mention people had no clue what was going on (in their defense, I wasn't following @ajcwsbtraffic  but I am now), so horns are honking and people are getting pissed!

I'm sitting in my truck... chilling... it's in park, I'm dancing to the music, laughing at the pissed off people.  Just enjoying it.

(Although, an Xpress bus is probably in trouble 'cuz he was in a left turn lane trying to get around something with traffic and pissed off a LOT of people behind it.  'Cuz they wanted to turn left and there was no way around.  In his defense, he probably didn't know what the congestion was and was trying to get his passengers home, but what he was trying to do was illegal anyway...  I still blame the whole situation on Paul Ryan)

The horns are getting louder.  The people are getting more aggravated.  But, Subsonic isn't letting me run out of music!

Behind me, I see people getting out of their cars.  Flailing their hands.  Cussing up a storm.

Oh, gee... Riots.

Finally, the motorcade reaches it's destination, so the Downtown Connector (and the rest of I-75) are opened.  Pissed off motorists resume their commute.  I'm thanking heaven I didn't go to Farbucks and get something that'd make me have to pee.

So, because Paul Ryan pissed me off, I'd like to publicly let it be known I'm no longer an Undecided Voter.  It takes some smarts to think to ruin millions of commuters evenings.  I'd hate to think how many day care people were late because of this.  Aren't they fined by the MINUTE for being late?

I leave this with three hypothetical questions:

1. Who's idea is it to actually shut down the interstate for a political figure?  Leaving them as the ONLY target for miles.  *insert random NCIS, CSI, etc scenario here*
2. Who's bright idea is it to shut down a major Interstate used by millions of people DURING RUSH HOUR?  Much less, shut it down well before he even leaves the airport?
3. And, finally, why the hell couldn't he have landed at Dobbins ARB since he was heading to the Cobb Energy Center anyways?  Shutting down a small portion of Cobb Pkwy (or even 75S from there -- reverse from rush hour traffic) would have been a better idea.

And, if other Undecided Voters have this same experience, I know who's going to win the election!

I got a new pen!

And, it's Social Media related, so I thought I'd share it with you.

Isn't it so cute?

When you hit the button, the saying changes. They say:

• Company posts need company approval.
• Keep business & personal posts separate.
• Protect privacy: yours and others.
• Follow company policies.
• Social Media: think before you post.
• Don't post confidential information.

Wow -- really? People have to be reminded of that?

But, my pen here at work ran out of ink, so I needed a new one. Nice temporary one!

(Notice how I managed to keep all of The Company's logos out of the picture by strategically taking the shot? :D)

Happy End of the World Day!

I am bad.

I sent Office Boyfriend an email reminding him today is the recalculated end of the world (from familyradio.com since they got May 21 wrong).

He replied "I can't respond right now, too busy ascending havenward. So long, sucker!"

So I replied "So THAT'S the reason I won't be ascending!"

(You'll get it later if you don't get it now)

Damn Debbies

I hate Debbies.

I hate them with a passion!

You see, I went to see The Lion King 3D this evening at my local AMC Theater. It's my favoritest movie in the whole wide world. It's the ONLY movie I've ever paid to see in theaters after I owned it on video.. and now TWICE!

Anyways, I go to the theater and understand that there's going to be children there. It IS a Disney movie, afterall [even though I went to the 8pm showing expecting it to be past most of their bedtimes, but I digress]. I'm "OK" with the occasional chatter of a child when I'm at a Disney movie. I understand that they don't always know better, but sometimes their parents want to see a movie as much as they think the kids do.

Anyways, this group of three Debbies came in to the theater... loud and obnoxious, and wanted to turn the movie into a sing-along. A F'N SING-ALONG! AND THEY WERE MORE TONE DEAF THAN I AM! [Note, if you don't know my voice, it's a cross between William Hung and the Ken Lee girl]. Now, mind you, these were either high school or college aged Debbies. Old enough to know better, but obviously not old enough to appreciate things.

Now, let's think about this. The price of a ticket is $11. Add $4 for the 3D glasses. I was talked into the $12 Stubs program. And I bought $11.50 worth of concessions. So, that's $38.50. I could sit in the cheap seats at the Fox Theater of a live show for that price. But, I digress.

So, these Debbies were talking through half the movie, and singing along, and jumping about. Completely disturbing the enjoyment of the movie. And, at the end, they decide to squeal!

While I understand that everyone sitting in that theater probably has seen the movie before, and some of us can quote it line for line, there's a simple appreciation for a film being able to see it on the big screen. Especially at the prices movies have gotten to be.

I partially blame AMC Theaters for this. While they can't screen every patron that comes through their doors to ensure the movie experience will be enjoyable for everyone, they CAN have their ushers "patrol" the theaters to ensure people are being quiet [it wouldn't have been polite to other patrons for me to yell across the theater to demand they shut up, especially in front of children*]. Apparently the "Please be courteous to others" segment before movies isn't doing enough.

And, for that matter, opening your cell phone to look at the time or check messages, or whatever you do should get you banned from theaters.

So, AMC, please patrol your theaters during showings. At these ticket prices, I'm sure you can afford to hire someone to sit in the theater to keep people quiet. It should not be up to a patron to exit a movie, spend time to find someone who works there to correct the problem. You MISS pieces of the movie that way.

Kinda makes me wish I lived near the Alamo Drafthouse:




*Yes, I understand that I don't normally think of things like this, but I DO TRY not to be a bad influence on children.

What's the difference between jelly and jam?

WARNING!
WARNING!
THIS POST IS MORE OFFENSIVE THAN NORMAL
WARNING!
WARNING!

So, we were doing our regular lunch routine.

Office Boyfriend, Other Gay, and I were watching Family Feud in the break room while we ate our Subway sandwiches.

And a Smucker's commercial came on.

And, Office Boyfriend innocently asked, "What's the difference between jelly and jam?"

I covered my mouth instantly. For good reason -- other people were in the break room.

When it cleared, OB & OG wanted to know what I stopped in my tracks for.

I innocently said, "You can't jelly your cock up someone's ass."

The sheer looks of horror....

Then, I had to explain that it was a joke on How I Met Your Mother that Barney said that offended Lilly so bad she stayed away for like five episodes (while Alyson Hannigan was preggers)

Still more McDonald's

So, after the response from the General Manager of the local McDonald's, went back (not with my "free meal letter", rather as a regular customer) to see if anything has change.

After my experience, I replied to the GM with this:

Ms. General Manager,

I would like to let you know I revisited the 1305 Powers Ferry Rd McDonald's location again today by way of the drive through. My visit was in the heart of the "dinner service" at 6pm. There was no line in the drive through. Below are my reactions (as a continuation of my previous feedback through McDonalds.com):

- I ordered a Mickey D's Sweet Tea as my beverage with the hopes the "automated beverage machine" wouldn't underfill my beverage. Again, my beverage was underfilled -- almost 1/2" below the "fill line" inside the cup.

- The ice in my beverage was filled as if the Sweet Tea was freshly brewed. This made me feel more cheated out of my beverage as I was able to refill the cup full of ice with my 16.9oz bottle of water and it filled higher than when the cup of Mickey D's Sweet Tea was presented to me. So, I got less than half the amount than the advertised 32oz.

- My fries were cold and tasted stale (I live 1.4 miles / 4 minutes from the location. Not enough time for them to get stale OR cold)

- My quarter pounder with cheese was equally cold and stale tasting.

Please do not feel I'm singling out this McDonald's location in my complaint. I receive similar customer service at most McDonald's locations I visit. This is weird to me as Chick-Fil-A is my fast food restaurant of choice. They don't have automated machines to fill beverages. They don't have pre-cooked foods sitting in containers for who knows how long. They don't have "self-serve" machines for their beverages. Chick-Fil-A employees handle everything on the food/beverage side of the customer experience. I RARELY wait longer than 2-3 minutes after placing my order before my food is in hand. And the times I do, there's a restaurant full of people, so it's expected it could happen. And, no matter how slow the Chick-Fil-A location is, my food always makes it home HOT -- and I am more than twice as far away from the nearest Chick-Fil-A as I am from the Powers Ferry McDonald's.

Unfortunately, the McDonald's philosophy seems to be the opposite - get machines to greet you at the drive through; Get machines to dispense beverages (poorly); Let food set until it's cold and still serve it; Make the customer fill their own beverage when dining in; Have extended wait times when there shouldn't be. Taking the "service" part out of "Customer Service"

So, why is it I have 110% satisfaction at Chick-Fil-A, yet have a significantly lower satisfaction at a restaurant that has so many "efficiencies" in place? (And how are they "efficiencies" when I've seen Chick-Fil-A serve more customers per register during a busy lunch rush than McDonald's) There are many items on the McDonald's menu I enjoy, but am reluctant to enjoy them due to the experiences at McDonald's in general.

Thanks,

Smply

Seriously -- I know I love Jesus Chicken even though I'm supposedly not allowed to (I don't support the previous link), and I eat there WAY too much (a friend of mine says I'm there "more than any church-goer [he] knows"). But, the reason I go back is because their customer service ROCKS! And their food tastes AWESOME! You're not treated like another dollar that needs to be ensured via food cost. The problem is Jesus Chicken isn't open on Sundays (a philosophy I'm not completely against).

Why can't other places be like that?

I got ANOTHER response

Ignoring my repeated previous responses, I got yet another response from McDonald's.

This is still kinda form-lettered, but a little more tailored.

Dear Mr. Unprdctble:

Thank you for taking the time to share your recent experience at the McDonald’s located at 1305 Powers Ferry Road, Marietta, GA. As the General Manager of this restaurant, I apologize that you were not satisfied with your recent visit.

Our goal is 100-percent customer satisfaction and my team works hard to deliver fast, friendly, and accurate service to guarantee that each visit you make is a pleasant one. I’m sorry that you encountered slow service in the Drive-Thru and that your soda was under-filled.

Please be assured that your comment serves as a valuable reminder that our customers are our number one priority. I have shared your experience with my team. If you have any further problems please don’t hesitate to call me.

Please give me a call at your convenience to discuss your visit or accept our apology and stop back by with this letter for a free meal.

Sincerely,

General Manager's Name
General Manager
Powers Ferry Road McDonald’s
(770) XXX-XXXX

Note the underlining! It really was underlined there in what was sent!

Now, should I call or not? And if so, what should I say other than "Dude! You need to actually fill cups!"?

I got a response!

So, I got a response from my complaint to McDonald's.

On May 18, I got the following:

Hello Smply:

I want to thank you for taking the time to share your recent experience at the McDonald's in Marietta, GA with me. Your feedback is very important to us as it allows us to better understand how we can improve our service to you.

I am sorry for your dissatisfaction with the portion size of the drinks and for the slow service you received. Please be assured that we want to provide you with an exceptional experience every time you visit us. From your email, it is clear we did not meet your expectations. Again, I am truly sorry we disappointed you.

I want you to know that I have already taken action on your feedback. After reading your email, I immediately shared the information you brought to our attention with the local franchise owner of the restaurant you visited. Additionally, I notified our regional McDonald's consultant who works with this owner for follow-up in the restaurant and appropriate corrective action.

Again, Smply, thank you for sharing your feedback. We appreciate your business and we hope to have the pleasure of serving you soon.


Ashley
McDonald's Customer Response Center

What's funny is I got the exact same form letter on May 19.

I doubt anything will be done, but peeps said they wanted to know if I got a response.

My letter to McDonald's

I had a pretty wrong experience at my local McDonald's. So bad that I decided to write a letter, which I'm sharing with you.

Today, I was embarrassed for my local McDonald's.

Today, I visited the McDonald's on Powers Ferry just south of Delk. I spent two or three minutes waiting to decide when another customer told me about the 2 for $2.50 Egg McMuffins. So, I made my purchase of 2 Egg McMuffins, a pair of hashbrowns, and a large soda at 9:47am.

During the time I was waiting for my food, three customers complained about the orange juice filling an inch below the cup lid. The employee's response was always "That's for room in case you want ice." Seriously, who wants ice in their orange juice? I say charge an extra nickel and fill it -- and if someone wants ice in their OJ, it becomes their loss of volume and a few cents in McD's pockets. (This is not my first complaint about this as when I order through the drive through, my soda is always an inch from the top -- and it has ice in it)

I digress -- I continued waiting for my food. Eventually, people who ordered as I walked in had finished eating their meals and left. In the end, it took thirteen minutes from the time I ordered to the time I got my food. Thirteen minutes to get something off the menu labeled a "Number One." That is beyond ridiculous for a "fast food" restaurant when there was only one order in front of mine.

We won!

So, The Company had some "Heart Healthy" photo contest where "you and up to 6 of your coworkers" can enter a photo. Something about red and heart healthy is the theme.

Our Fearless Leader suggested it at our team meeting (prior to my Jury Duty) and suggested we all wear red that Friday (since it was "Wear Red For Heart Healthy Friday" anyways) and we would take some sort of picture.

Office Boyfriend suggested we organize ourselves in the shape of a heart. As in the shape in a deck of cards, not the organ. I wonder how they decided that the two were the same... but, I digress.

So Friday came and we were one short as SOMEONE decided to be out sick [or was his son sick? I don't recall]. So, Other Gay was asked to join us. Zebra Girl was also asked to join us somehow. I don't recall how, but it caused us to have to rethink our positioning for the shape.

We decided to do our photo shoot on the 4th floor with the camera person looking over the balcony of the 5th floor. Office Boyfriend gets us in position from overhead, and we take a few photos.

When we look at them, Office Boyfriend's burgundy ["not red"] shirt stuck out like a sore thumb. And we weren't quite a perfect heart shape. So we decided to reshoot that afternoon.

Knowing what we were aiming for, we went back downstairs and got a few more pictures.

Office Boyfriend's shirt still stuck out, but the shape came out more awesome! So, Fearless Leader's husband photoshopped the shirt to be red and this is what we submitted:


No, we don't all look like that, but I wasn't about to post anyone's face without their permission. And, in order to get permission, I'd have to divulge I have a blog, and I'm not about to let any of my coworkers know where it exists. but, in case you were wondering, clockwise around we have:

• Me
• Fearless Leader
• Someone without a nickname
• Other Gay
• Someone else without a nickname
• Office Boyfriend
• Zebra Girl

After we decided we'd submit that, I pointed out we were even more symmetrical with the boy/girl on each side (and even symmetrical when it comes to sexuality, but that's besides the point). So, symmetry makes things more perfect!

We got a notice yesterday that WE WON!

I'm hoping we won fairly and not by default by being the only people who submitted a photo. But, either way, we EACH got a $100 gift card to our little discount store we have here at The Company!

Heh heh -- I said "duty"

So, I had jury duty this week. But, it's actually a lot more interesting than that!

Now, it's been 15 years since I turned 18.

The first time I got a jury duty summons, I was in college. No vehicle. So I had to take a bus from Boston out to Western Mass. After I got there, I called the number that they tell you to call the night before. Apparently my pool wasn't selected to attend, so I had officially fulfilled my jury duty requirement. I took a bus back the next day. Why didn't I wait to take the bus until after I called? Because it's basically a 4+ hour excursion to go from campus to Harvard Square to South Station and wait for a bus to head to Springfield then to Northampton. I wouldn't have made it.

The second time I got a jury duty summons I was moving from Dekalb County to Cobb County. I didn't have to serve.

Then, in January I got my summons for Cobb County.

Crap. I can't just up and move to get out of it. I decided to not put off the pain even though it was a bad time (the random follow-up time would have been just as inconvenient, most likely). So, I suck it up.

Apparently I didn't read it right (or ignored it Mother told me when she said I had told her before) but the night or two before I learned it wasn't jury duty for one day... it was jury duty for ONE WEEK!

Yes, kids -- ONE WEEK!

I thought being out of work for a day was going to be bad, but the potential of being out for a week is ridiculous.

But, I suck it up.

I showed up Monday at 8:30, as ordered. I check in. I sit down and am waiting for whatever is supposed to happen.

The Judge shows up and gives the opening statements greeting us and telling us how awesome we are just by being there. It sounds like BS, but it also sounds about as legit, so I figure it's fine. I mean, "just by being [t]here, we're making justice happen!"

During these statements, I look over to the opposite side and see someone who looks familiar.

Very familiar. WORK FAMILIAR! But I can't get a name for the life of me (It happens before 9:30). But I'm in luck! They're going to be displaying which jury pool we're in on the screens, so I can find the name that way!

The names are going by real quickly, then I see her name! I couldn't remember my boss's boss's name. (Well, technically my boss's boss's boss, but that's splitting hairs). I've met her in a few meet and greets, but seriously didn't think she'd remember me.

So I see her trying to look for her name on the board. I go to her and tell her she's in pool 10. She looks at me and pretty much knows who I am (although I don't know if she had a name or not... later she said my name, but I don't know if she went to ask people who I am through emails or happened to see it on my jury duty summons or if she's really that good). And we're talking. And I said "What are the chances of two of us from The Company being in jury duty together?"

She said "Three. So-and-so from Tax is over there."

So, we all create a little click together and talk and network the first morning. Talking about everything from Glee to kids and on.

10:00 comes and we're told if we parked at the library, we should go get our vehicles at lunch and move them to the closer parking lot (guess what, that's me.. also boss's boss). We really didn't feel like doing all that...

11:00 comes and we're informed pools 1-4 are allowed to go to lunch until 1:30, but the rest of us must stay.

11:30 comes and the rest of us are told we can go to lunch. I asked if we HAD to move our vehicles, and jury duty lady said we didn't, but she suggested it because there won't be transportation back.

My boss's boss asks us where we want to go. We really don't care, as long as we get out of the courthouse. We manage to find Shillings on the Square. And let me tell you it was GOOD!

In the middle of lunch, she starts asking random work things. I joke, "If we're going to talk work, we need to expense lunch." -- she replied "I was already planning on buying lunch." -- I was like "You don't have to do that, but thanks!"

So, it was an even cooler lunch as I got to talk. And, in the middle of eating, we somehow got to talking about tickets and stuff. I asked if The Company had box seats to non-sporting events and she said they do. So, I half-jokingly asked if I could have NKOTBSB tickets when they're in town. She said if nobody else wants them, I can have them. SCORE! That means I hafta remember in June to remind her of her promise! :)

We get back to the courthouse and start to settle in. Then we decide to quickly run to get coffee (chai in my case) to get a little caffeine to wake up. Then we sit and wait... and wait.. and wait...

Finally, about 2:30, the jury duty leader lady comes in and says "Thanks to y'all being here, we moved through 27 cases! So, your being here helped justice happen." -- then told us everyone but pools 1-4 can go home. WOOHOO! I'm in 7!

So, we pack up and head downstairs. Then we realize we don't know the most efficient route to the library. So we ask a bailiff how to get back. He goes and calls someone to give us a ride. NOT what we expected, but thank you! On the way back we get to the library and my reaction was "That's the distance? You're KIDDING me. We could have WALKED that in the time it took you to get the van!"

We were told to call back the jury voicemail line after 6pm to hear our instructions for Tuesday. So, I did and found out we were due to be there for 9:30 the next day.

A little later that evening, I got an email from my boss's boss saying "Yep.. see you in the morning!" -- then she emailed me asking if my license plate was something. I told her it was, but was kinda confused a little.

The following morning, we met up in the courtroom. Started chit-chatting and stuff. She brought up that I caused a song to get stuck in her head thanks to my license plate. I kinda giggled. This is also when I pointed out that not only were there three of us from The Company together, but I work on the 14th floor of the SE tower, Tax-Person works on the 14th floor of the SW tower, and Boss's Boss works on the 14th floor of the N tower. That's all three towers and 14th floor. How much more coincidence can you get?

About 9:45, jury pools 1, 2, and 3 were called back (and a couple additional people because I guess the pools were incomplete?). One of the poor people did not seem like he was all the way there. I mean, he was carrying a couple Publix plastic bags full of bunched up clothes. Kinda like I do when I go visit fambly... throw my dirty clothes in bags... But, I digress... I wasn't on the pool.

This is when I did math. There were 120 of us in the room (although there's usually more it seems, but we'll take that number). Multiply that by $25/day. 5 days a week. 50 weeks a year. That's $780,000/year of our taxpayer money (unless they come from court fees, but still!)

About 10:45 or so, jury coordinator lady comes in and says "I have good news..."

Everyone starts grumbling and groaning, so I proclaim "WOOHOO!!!!!" causing peeps to kinda giggle and lighten the mood.

Jury coordinator lady says "Because you were here, the two cases we've kept you here for were taken care of, so you can go home! One was a really messy divorce and they decided on a bench trial, and the other was a 15-count child abuse case, and they took a plea. And, since justice has been taken care of, you're free to go!"

In our little click, we said it would have been fun to be on the divorce case, but if any of us was on the child abuse case, the person would have FRIED!

So, we left. Had great conversations with boss's boss on the way to our cars and she's actually a VERY COOL person! I like her!

6pm Tuesday I called and we were told we didn't have to come in Wednesday. So I got to go to work. Yay!

6pm Wednesday, I called and we were told we didn't have to return the remainder of the week.

So, my jury duty was a lot of sitting around, but I did get to network some, so it was all cool. And I can't wait to see NKOTBSB! Who wants to go with?

My experience with the BBB

First, I apologize to my four readers that I haven't been posting in a LONG time. It's been mostly an uneventful period. A few minorly exciting things happened, but nothing noteworthy for the four of you (Unless you count getting a Jury Duty summons).

That being said, I had my first experience with the BBB!

Here's the story.

Back in December, I ordered something off one of the online deal sites I frequent. I used Paypal as my payment method as I had money there. It was a whopping $11.44. But, I never got an order number, nor did I get the item I ordered.

So, after 30 days, I emailed them. I got no response.

Then Snowpocalypse happened [oh yeah, something exciting DID happen.. We became Hothlanta!... here's some pictures!], and there was no mail (or deliveries of ANY kind as you can see), so I gave a few more days.

Then I tried several forms of contact and absolutely nothing.

I decided to do the resolution system in Paypal. But, alas, it was just over the 45-day limit, so they wouldn't refund me my money. Darn Snowpocalypse!

So, this past Saturday, I went to the BBB online. I registered the following complaint:

I placed an order with on Dec 10 at 10:13am via their PayPal checkout system. The PayPal transaction ID is . I have not received the item I ordered, and my numerous attempts to contact for an order status have gone unanswered.

I got a standard automated reply saying "We'll look into it, but it will take several days".

Monday at 3:07pm, I got the following email:

Dear Smply Unprdctble:

This message is in regard to your complaint submitted on 1/29/2011 10:22:39 AM against . Your complaint was assigned ID .

Your complaint has been sent to the business for their response. The entire complaint process can take four to six weeks from the time we receive your complaint. Once they have responded to the BBB, we will contact you again. During the complaint process the company may try to contact you personally to clarify information or try to resolve the complaint. We encourage you to be open to their correspondence or attempt to resolve the claim. We ask that you advise us in writing by email, fax or mail if your claim is settled directly with the company.

Regards,

Person Named
The Better Business Bureau

Then, Monday at 3:51pm I got my $11.44 refunded!

This morning, I got the following from the BBB:

Dear Smply Unprdctble :

This message is in regard to your complaint submitted on 1/29/2011 10:22:39 AM against . Your complaint was assigned ID .

The business has sent the BBB a message regarding this complaint, and we are passing it on to you. The contents of this message are below or attached. Please respond to this message at your first convenience.

Regards,

Person Named
The Better Business Bureau

MESSAGE FROM BUSINESS:

I do apologize for this issue. I looked over all communication and could not locate any emails from Mr. Unprdctble. I also looked into his order and indeed there was a payment but a Paypal notification was never received so an order was never generated. I have issued a full refund back to his account and do apologize for the inconvenience.

I think it's pretty cool that it was resolved quickly. I didn't WANT to get the BBB involved, but I do have copies of several emails, including one that went through their site. If they can't find those communications, something's wrong.

That being said, I'm probably going to continue to make purchases through them. I may have to go back to the standard credit card order instead of going through Paypal (unless I remember to file a complaint within the 45 days).