Thursday, May 27, 2010

How many rules have I broken?

So, on The Company's intranet page, there's an email from our HR Head Honcho. It's about The Company's Social Media policy and how we should be.

Now, let me get this statement out of the way: When I started working for The Company, I asked our HR peeps "Can I still have a blog, even though I don't mention The Company's name and occasionally may say something that could be considered offensive to certain people?" (I mean, face it -- what CAN be said that's couldn't be considered offensive to SOMEONE?). They replied I could as long as I have the disclaimer portion at the bottom of the page you see *points down there*.

Anyways, I'm reading through the policy and have decided to determine how apt I am to be fired. Note: Some information is being removed to help protect the identity of The Company. I mean, if I worked for a company and the policy said "including beverage flavors", that could extremely narrow down who I could potentially work for. And, no, I don't work for them as I don't see me being able to work for a company who produces a product that you have to put Rum or Jack in to make it taste good :)

Don't let personal use of the Company's computers and other equipment interfere with work. While occasional personal use is permitted, it should be kept to a minimum and should not interfere with your job. -- Hrmm.. We won't go there.

Don't expect privacy if you participate in social media while at work or while using Company equipment. Communications made or stored on The Company's equipment or systems are subject to monitoring and disclosure with or without advance notice. Even if you participate in social media outside of work, you should recognize that these communications are typically not considered private under applicable law. -- Of course I don't expect privacy. But, I am posting this using The Company's network :)

Do
be a good Web citizen. Be constructive. Remember that the Social Web is about connecting people, ideas and information. You may use it in your own personal ways, but be courteous, be respectful of diversity and exercise good common sense and judgment. -- Courteous? With as offensive as I can be sometimes?

Do respect and adhere to applicable laws, including copyright, trademark, right of publicity/privacy and patent laws. -- That I do. I mean, that'd be a bad thing if I didn't.

Do identify yourself as an employee of The Company (or one of its divisions) and make it clear that any opinions you express are your own and not that of The Company, if your comments (i) refer to The Company's businesses or products, (ii) could be seen as an endorsement, promotion or testimonial for any other product or service by The Company or (iii) could otherwise be construed by the reader as a comment made by you on behalf of The Company.

  • This guideline applies even if you are not writing under your name. Your identity is seldom anonymous. It is better to be authentic and transparent and understand that anonymous postings can be linked to your identity.
  • If you have your own page, site or blog, at a minimum you should include the following standard legal disclaimer language: "The views expressed on this [blog; Web site; etc.] are my own and do not necessarily reflect the views of my employer." In some cases, as discussed below, it will be necessary to specifically disclose that The Company is your employer in this disclaimer.
  • If you are a manager or executive, realize that a standard disclaimer may not be enough. Be cognizant that your personal thoughts or opinions may be misinterpreted as expressing views of the Company.
  • If you post - on any social media - comments that are related to The Company businesses or products or that could be seen as an endorsement, promotion or testimonial for The Company, fully disclose that you work for The Company (or one of its divisions). Disclosure methods could include a link to your profile or a bio or a more explicit statement in the post such as, "I am an employee of The Company, Inc. The views expressed on this [blog, Web site, etc.] are my own and do not necessarily reflect the views of my employer."
Yeah.... We know I don't completely do that. I know some of y'all know who I work for, but a lot of y'all don't know. And I'm violating this rule because I don't want some of my comments to be associated with The Company.

Do write and post responsibly.
  • Show proper consideration for your personal privacy, as well as that of others. -- Ok, I don't share names. I mean, who here knows the name of my coworker who almost got hit by a zebra?
  • Consider that what you write could be published in a national newspaper, reported on television or posted to other social media. -- I'm going to be published? If that ever happens, would I be working for The Company? Wait, maybe I would.... Either way, all my postings get placed on other social media (I post it to Twitter / Facebook... and it gets picked up by Google Buzz for all you freaks...), but I don't count that as big stuff.
  • Be judicious in your engagement on topics that may be considered objectionable or inflammatory. Never use ethnic slurs, personal insults, obscenity, etc. -- Slurs and personal insults? Oh hells no! That don't happen with me. Oh wait, yes they do.
  • Be sure that all content associated with you is consistent with your work and with The Company's values and professional standards. -- Oh PUHLEEZE. That will NOT be happening.
  • If writing about Company-related topics, you can link to official videos produced for The Company Web sites, fan pages & content channels. This means using embedded codes from the respective Web sites, via our Facebook pages or YouTube channels. -- I may occasionally post links, but they may or may not be related to The Company. Who cares where I get my content from? John Doe may be posting the same content as me and nobody cares about him!
  • If you find (or are sent) a very compelling piece of user generated content ("UGC") or fan video related to the business of The Company, do not post or comment on it. Instead, notify someone in the appropriate Digital Marketing division so that they can determine the best course of action to take. -- If I find an awesome link like this, I'm going to tweet it myself.
  • Remember that although you have "removed" a comment or post, once something is published online it is a permanent record that easily can be misinterpreted or taken out of context -- Isn't there a Disney PSA about that? Once you put something on the Internets, you can't take it back?

Don't share The Company internal communications or information, including:
  • Confidential or proprietary information about the Company's performance, finances or future plans. -- How stupid does someone have to be to do that?
  • Company intellectual property and proprietary information, including content (whether it is aired or unaired), logos, still shots, cartoon characters, promotional materials, photos taken in offices, and the numerous computer programs employees use while at work, among other things. This includes promotional details, which should not be shared unless you have cleared the release of this information with PR. -- So, you're saying I can't send a screenshot of an error message of a software package used by hundreds if not thousands of companies? And you're going to get mad because I take a picture of the snow outside my window? What are we going to do when I start taking pictures like this? That was taken from my cube, which is inside our offices!
  • Business correspondence, such as executive memos and management communications, among other things. -- Yeah, I won't post those. But, I WILL post things like my Gold Star award, and other things that kinda don't mention any details.
  • Information regarding legal proceedings or legal matters involving The Company, including any communications to or from legal counsel for The Company, regardless of whether the original discussion included you or was later shared with you. -- So, when I'm fired and sue for the fact I posted this on my blog, they don't want me to make mention of it? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA :)
  • See the SBC and the Confidential Information policy for a more full discussion on this topic. If you have any doubts about whether an item is confidential or proprietary, seek guidance before sharing. -- Yeah, I said I wouldn't do anything to bring The Company's name into this. And I did seek guidance when I first started. I even have the email stored off to the side!

Don't disclose, reference, or discuss customers, partners or suppliers without their prior approval. -- I talk about coworkers -- but real names aren't involved, so I don't care about approval! :)

Don't use social media hosted outside of The Company's protected Intranet environment for business-related communications. Always use authorized internal Intranet systems to communicate with your colleagues regarding The Company-related business matters. -- So, I shouldn't use AIM to talk about people?

I guess I've been a bad bad boy. Oh well. If we're keeping tabs of the rules I've broken, I'm probably being fired tomorrow!

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Where No SmplyUnprdctble Has Gone Before

Yo! Internets! I went someplace I've never been before!

No, I haven't gone THAT offensive. (Although, it almost happened)

I went to VERMONT!

Yes, I've lived in New England how many years and have never been to Vermont. I don't get it either. But, for some reason, I decided I wanted to go this trip. Mostly because it's right there *points*.

A friend of mine and I went hopped in my rental car and we took off up 91. Not really knowing where we would go (although we pondered going to Ben & Jerry's). We just took off.

We got to Brattleboro and found a welcome center. We asked where we should go eat, and the (biased) guy sent us to his not quite great place. The food wasn't bad, but there was like not much there on the brunch buffet. Basically, it was empty. But, we ate and then got back on the road.

On the way up, we learned a new word: Scarified. Yes. There's a road sign in Vermont that says "Scarified Road" -- It's the same as "Rough Pavement", but we think people got bored. They also say "Bridges Freeze Before Road", so that continues the theory.

We went further up and followed the map. The goal was to go to some glass blowing place (who's name escapes my memory at this time). It sounded like a cool thing to watch. And it was the first exit once we got on 89.

We got off 89 and tried to figure out where it might be and we saw this mini strip mall like thing. And as I pulled in, I made a B-line for a MOOSE.

Yes, peeps, a MOOSE!

I HAD to get my picture with the moose! I asked the kind people and they asked if I wanted to get ON it! I almost creamed my pants!

So, I got up on the moose and had my picture snapped!

Oh, it's a wooden moose. For sale for $3500. I pondered it as they said "Free Shipping", but I realized I had no place to put it.

We continued on to the glass blowing place. They had a river and dam and waterfall there. And a covered bridge.

This same area had some giant Gorge! They called it the "Grand Canyon of Vermont" -- it was pretty cool to look at and take pictures.

On the way home, we stopped at BASKETVILLE! I don't know, but it was kinda interesting. There was a mini-wine tasting and I bought a bottle of pear wine (which is being shipped to me by my awesome friend as I cannot take it on my carryon)

All in all, it was an awesome trip! For all y'all that want to see the pictures, you can go to my album on Facebook and see them!

Friday, May 21, 2010

SURPRISE!

Dear Internets,

I know it's been a while since I've posted. Mostly because I haven't had a lot to post about. Until now.

You see, I'm famous for my surprises. It's happened more than once.

Anyways, Mother was having minor surgery* today. I decided that I wanted a break from work, so I thought, "Self, why don't you surprise her and show up when she's waking up from the surgery?"

Knowing I'd need an insider, I IM'd Sis and said "I think I'm gonna come up and surprise Mother!" The idea was she and I would wear the same shirt. As she's dropping Mother off, she would say "Like my shirt? Smply got it for me for my birthday. And when Mother was waking up, I'd go in and when she asked what I'm doing here, I'd say "Don't you remember? I brought you here? I even showed you the shirt Sis got me for Christmas!"

She and I worked out details. I flew into Boston yesterday and stayed with friends in NH (per usual, only this time we didn't have lobstah. Still a bit sad about that, but I'll survive).

Anyways, I headed out to Western Mass this morning sporting my shirt. and arrived at the hospital fairly close to noon. I gave Sis a hug and REALLY HAD TO PEE!

We're sitting in the waiting room waiting for the magic screen to change colors as Mother went through the various stages of surgery. Then her doctor comes out and says "She's done" -- we were like "but.. the colors didn't change!"

I go back there and turn the corner and Mother says "What the f--k are you doing here?" Amazing! She recognized me without glasses!

She was all excited and happy to see me. I really made her day. Put a smile on my face.

We're talking and stuff as she's waiting to be let go and she said she had a dream last night that I showed up. (Last night, I even talked to her and I told her she may have hallucinations as she's waking up from the anesthesia, and she was like "I better not see you!"

I giggled.

While at the hospital, we decided on how to surprise Nan. Initially, I wanted to have Mother go upstairs and say "Guess who picked me up from the hospital." But that kinda would give something away. So, instead we decide on "You'll never believe who I saw at the hospital."

So, Mother gets discharged about 2ish. We head home, and get Mother in Sis's place. My cousin is heading downstairs for a smoke, and I'm motioning for him to not say a word. Mother pees and then we head upstairs to see Nan, with me sneaking in tow.

Mother goes in and Nan's like "How are you feeling?" (all while she's on the phone with my aunt) and Mother says, "You'll never believe who I saw at the hospital."

Nan is like, "Ray?" (whoever that is)

I poke my head in the door and quietly say "Surprise" as to not give her a heart attack.

She doesn't hear me.

"Surprise!", I proclaim a little louder.

The third time I say Surprise, Mother points at me. Nan's like "OOOHH!!! What are you doing here?"

The nieces were pretty funny. I came back downstairs and the eldest was in the living room as I poked my head in. Her eyes went HUGE and said "What are you doing here?"

The younger was HILARIOUS. She was at gymnastics, so Sis went to go pick her up. she came running in and turned the corner in the living room and was asking (who she presumed was her dad) where the eldest was. Then her eyes went gigantic and said, "WOAH!"

So, that's my latest story, Internets. It's been pretty fun so far (except it's warm up here and people don't believe in air conditioners. I don't quite understand that). I have other news related to work I'll post later. I don't want to bog down my fun surprise with boring work stuffs.

Love y'all!

P.S. You should call me using the link to the right and say how much fun you thought the surprise was!

*The minor surgery was she had to have growths removed from her areas.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Things your mother doesn't want to hear

So, I just got a call from Mother. She was telling me about all her tests she had done and that she should know this week possibly when she can come visit.

Anyways, somehow she got on the conversation and she said that she was going to get in her jammies. I told her I sleep in less than jammies, so when the ghost bothers her when she's here, knock first before she comes bug me in my room.

She replied "It's not something I've never seen before."

I come back with "Oh, there's things you've never seen."

She thought about it for a minute. Then was like "Ok, I DON'T want to know!"

:)

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Who the Internets thinks I am

So, on my facebook page, I started the discussion about the 2010 Census and something came out on Internet searches in "public databases."

The site brought up is Spokeo.

The example link provided against someone looked a little uncanny, so I decided to search for myself.

This is what it thinks I am:
Ok, early 30's, check.
Caucasian, check.
Single, check
Reading? Seriously?
Gemini? Um... NO!
Children? Ok, they get that one as a TECHNICALITY
And I like to think my neighborhood is Above Average!

But, that's not all that's on the page:
Again, loves reading? Seriously? Do they think I'm my sister?
Healthy Living? They obvi don't go through my trash!
Subscribes to magazines? No I don't. The one magazine I get, I don't know how I'm getting it and how to stop it!
Donates to causes? Ok, only aminals!
And, really, I'm not interested in politics.

But wait, there's more!
There's that technicality of children again.
It thinks I don't have central air or heat? In this state? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
And seriously? Home value? I WISH! Can a home be valued that much without central? In this state, that is -- obvi Massachusetts would be different.

I went further. I searched my sister under her maiden and married names. Her married name has next to nothing, but her maiden name has a bit more. And her husband looked pretty uncanny with all his interests.

Alas, it didn't have my grandmother, and she's been in that house for like 85 years.

Guess we can't truly trust everything on the Internets!

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Who will I piss off first?

Today has been a fun day for me. I have no idea why, but I'm in an especially silly mood.

It started early this morning. One of our IT peeps called me and I wasn't particularly thrilled to talk to anyone. So I answered in my "blah, I'm not awake yet and haven't had my Jesus Chicken Sweet Tea" voice. She said "I wasn't expecting that.." so I did my "OMG, I'm way too hyper and excited to see you so much I might just pee on the carpet" voice.

Then, I went to the food court mid morning to get my Jesus Chicken Sweet Tea refill (One's not enough, but I don't drink a full two usually) and the person behind the counter (we'll call her "Kenya") said "With a splash of regular or diet lemonade?"

I looked at her funny and said "absolutely NO lemon!"

She said "I thought you..." and another Jesus Chicken worker said "You have him confused with someone else."

That's when I piped in with "Are you trying to say all white people look alike?"

Needless to say I made another black person blush! :)

Finally, where I work, they give tours. Tour guides take groups around and show them a few of the cool sites to see here. One of the stops they make is on the way to the food court for me, and they congregate in the predetermined area and the guide starts talking about division that's on the other side of a wall (with said division's name implanted in giant letters on said wall). Anyways, as I walked by, I heard him say those magical words, so I stopped and did my best Barker's Beauty impression to show off the sign. A couple tourists (I wanted to say tourees until I axed someone else what the term should be) started laughing as the guide happened to turn around and see me doing my impression. He laughed.

So, I'm having like WAY too much fun today. I feel almost cabin feverish, but I've been getting out the past few days that it's been beautiful out. Maybe my window view is starting to get to me knowing how beautiful it is outside and I can't be out there.

On another note, it's taking WAY too long for these sacrificial fishies to poop and die!

Friday, March 26, 2010

I love my friends!

Conversation I had with a friend of mine this morning:
[09:59] <me>
http://rodents.dyndns.org/Gallery/index.php?gallery=Poor%20Unfortunate%20Souls
[10:27] <friend> weird! is that your tank?
[10:27] <friend> what do you have in there?
[10:27] <friend> cool blue color!
[10:27] <friend> here fishy fishy fishy HERE FISHY FISHY FISHY
[10:27] <me> sacrificial goldfish
[10:27] <me> ok, Ernie
[10:27] <friend> hahahha
[10:28] <friend> good boy Smply! nice getting the reference!
[10:28] <friend> lol
[10:28] <friend> yet another thing I love about you!
[10:28] <me> *wags tail*
I love how I get my friends -- unlike the fact all but TWO of my coworkers get the following image, which I have on a shirt: