Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina One dog chow for Bradley, at Wal-Mart and was standing in line about to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. First thing I thought was 'where is your sign, lady', but decided to go with it...So...On impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina weight loss diet again.Hilarious, eh?
I said I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is, you load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete... so I was going to try it again.
I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, to say the least.
Totally horrified, the lady asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.
I told her no; I had stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard.
WAL-MART asked me not to shop there anymore.
I love the responses I got from my friends -- about me being too hysterical or how much they wish they could have been there to see it. One even said I was their hero because I got kicked out of WalMart (wouldn't be the first time).
The sad part is that story, alas, is not mine. But, apparently I'm insane enough that it really could have been me. And, who knows -- maybe I'll get the opportunity to do it one day!