Tuesday, April 28, 2009

How to glue your ass together

So, back in October, I read this article. It intrigued me. Made me wonder "Hrmm.. is it really that awesome?"

Then, of course, sometime in the past, I read that Wax is NOT your friend. Honestly, I almost peed my pants reading that. I know it's not an everyday occurrence, but still.

But, the article still made me want to try it. At least once.

I had even asked my salon friend if she knew of anyone who did it for guys (since not every waxing place wants to see my ding-a-ling). She suggested Waxing by Andreia. I called and found it was $55 for guys. I seriously pondered, but never saved the cash.

My really awesome boyfriend has been known to partake in this waxing ordeal in the past. He looks HAWT all smooth. So he bought some wax and we tried it on me.

After dinner, we got home and started the wax melting in the pot. Good heavens that took a long time! Anyways, when it got close, I hopped in the shower to make sure I was all clean.

Then he asked me to hop on all fours. Not particularly the most comfortable position on the floor. My poor knees. Anyways, I did and he sprayed something on my hind region. Then he powdered up my bum. Finally, he got a gob of wax and spread it on an area.

It was warm. I'll let you know that. But not painful warm. Kinda like you first sitting in a steaming hot bath. But I got used to it. The wax hardened... Then he told me to breathe and brace myself.


It wasn't THAT bad. Kinda like a bandage being pulled off. I felt behind me and it was quite smooth. I saw the wax piece (which was about the size of a Chick-Fil-A Nugget Sauce Container) and it had hairs in it pulled out by the roots!

"This isn't going to be horrible", I thought to myself. So we went for a few more areas.

Not too bad.

Then a piece of wax didn't quite stay in one piece as it was ripped off. That hurt. It took a couple more grips before he was able to pull it off. I ended up leaning forward to the point where my bum relaxed back together.

Except I had forgotten that there was another bit of wax there. That was still soft.

So, it glued my buttcheeks together. Not exactly a pleasant feeling. Not one I could describe, either. But, my buttcheeks were worse than superglued together. I start laughing harder because I'm remembering the wax is NOT your friend story (see above). I couldn't help it.

So, here I am with my buttcheeks glued together and I need to reassume the position so I can get it removed. After a couple tugs, it came out. I now had freedom to poop again!

Things weren't really bad until we got to my ball sack. Now, my balls can't decide if they want to hang low or high. But last night, they decided to be high. Probably because they knew what was coming. High balls meant the skin was shriveled some. Imagine that with wax and the pulling.... Yeah... it smarted!

Midnight comes and we got my butt crack to my left nut completed. Too tired to continue, we called it a night and vowed to finish the rest later. And, since it's not as bad as I thought it would be (and I'm ENJOYING the new smoothness), I'm looking forward to the finishing! :)

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