I was listening to the radio this morning on my way to get Jesus Chicken for breakfast.
A Kaiser-Permanente commercial came on the air. And, I swear they're making things up!
Now, let's rewind a large number of years. When I lived in MA, there was a HMO company called Harvard Pilgrim Healthcare (It's still there, but the "was" references back when I lived there). They had some pretty cool ad campaigns where they listed various medical professions. My favoritest was when a little tiny girl says "otolaryngologist."
Back to the present, Kaiser is doing similar commercials. Except they're making up things! They're trying to basically say that their doctors have "explicit specialties" that are supposed to give more specialized care to some of your ailments.
Now, I'm not an expert on medical professions in ANY way shape or form (with the exception that I've heard of a few of the specialties, and know approximately what they deal with), but I really think they're making things up!
Case in point, the commercial mentions a "dermatopulmunohematologist." Breaking it down, "dermato" is skin-related ("dermatologist"), pulmuno is lung related ("pulmunologist), and hemato is associated with blood. Exactly what disorder combines those three? (Where's Dr. House when you need him?)
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Thursday, March 4, 2010
I present to you, Before and After!
So, as y'all have probably heard, I went straight!
And, my hot lesbian dentist promised before and after shots of everything. I'm a little saddened there's not as many after shots, but she was a little busy at the time when I went in.
So, without you begging and pleading for more, here's my before and after shots!
(note, they're put in this template by my hot lesbian dentist's staff, not me. I also removed all traces of names in it. You should be able to click on them for larger pics.)
See how crooked my life used to be? I mean, it was horrible! But, as you can see, things are a LOT better (I wish there were a few other good After pics taken so you can see the total transformation -- but you can see all that in the video in the link at the top):
I told the crew at the office "I'm smiling a LOT more now!"
So, if any of y'all are in the Hotlanta area and want my hot lesbian dentist's information, let me know and I'll provide it!
And, my hot lesbian dentist promised before and after shots of everything. I'm a little saddened there's not as many after shots, but she was a little busy at the time when I went in.
So, without you begging and pleading for more, here's my before and after shots!
(note, they're put in this template by my hot lesbian dentist's staff, not me. I also removed all traces of names in it. You should be able to click on them for larger pics.)
See how crooked my life used to be? I mean, it was horrible! But, as you can see, things are a LOT better (I wish there were a few other good After pics taken so you can see the total transformation -- but you can see all that in the video in the link at the top):
I told the crew at the office "I'm smiling a LOT more now!"So, if any of y'all are in the Hotlanta area and want my hot lesbian dentist's information, let me know and I'll provide it!
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Huzzah for Google Voice!
So, we've all heard that Hawaii has been under a Tsunami Watch because of an earthquake in Chile. As devastating as the whole idea of everything is, I'm not going to continue to feed into that. My blog isn't a news feed. And being in Georgia, I don't have any of the details.
But, I DO know someone who lives in Hawaii. My wife*. Except, we learned we can't live together, and it's a good thing we're not attracted to the same men.
Anyways, she lives in Honolulu, and works for an oceanfront hotel. When the Tsunami Warning officially started, I hadn't heard from her after sending a text message in the morning. So, I tried to call.
I used my cell phone (provider not mentioned because I don't think it matters), and was either getting the fast busy signal, or an automated message saying "Your call did not go through."
CNN was showing interviews via cell phones, so I figured coverage was still going on. Especially since nothing officially hit at this time, so I imagined it was just a lot of network congestion going on.
I also have a Google Voice account. So, I attempted to call her with my Google Voice account. Amazingly enough, it went through!
I don't know if it was pure luck in timing, or whether it's the fact Google Voice is VOIP and ends somehow directly in Hawaii, but the couple times I called using Google Voice, I got through, but using my cell provider**, I didn't.
So, not only am I singing the praises of Google Voice for the fact people can call me with one number and connect to a bunch of numbers I'm on, and I can text people using a website, but now Google Voice was the only network I have access to in order to call a network-congested area! :)
Also, nobody is leaving me calling me from my link to the right. Seriously people, you should! I understand I have like 6 readers, but that's not the point! I should have at least six calls!
* No, I'm not really married. She's my bestest friend and we share everything a married couple should.
** Technically, I'm still using my cell provider as I still have to connect to Google Voice. I'm just not using my cell provider to get to the call to the endpoint.
But, I DO know someone who lives in Hawaii. My wife*. Except, we learned we can't live together, and it's a good thing we're not attracted to the same men.
Anyways, she lives in Honolulu, and works for an oceanfront hotel. When the Tsunami Warning officially started, I hadn't heard from her after sending a text message in the morning. So, I tried to call.
I used my cell phone (provider not mentioned because I don't think it matters), and was either getting the fast busy signal, or an automated message saying "Your call did not go through."
CNN was showing interviews via cell phones, so I figured coverage was still going on. Especially since nothing officially hit at this time, so I imagined it was just a lot of network congestion going on.
I also have a Google Voice account. So, I attempted to call her with my Google Voice account. Amazingly enough, it went through!
I don't know if it was pure luck in timing, or whether it's the fact Google Voice is VOIP and ends somehow directly in Hawaii, but the couple times I called using Google Voice, I got through, but using my cell provider**, I didn't.
So, not only am I singing the praises of Google Voice for the fact people can call me with one number and connect to a bunch of numbers I'm on, and I can text people using a website, but now Google Voice was the only network I have access to in order to call a network-congested area! :)
Also, nobody is leaving me calling me from my link to the right. Seriously people, you should! I understand I have like 6 readers, but that's not the point! I should have at least six calls!
* No, I'm not really married. She's my bestest friend and we share everything a married couple should.
** Technically, I'm still using my cell provider as I still have to connect to Google Voice. I'm just not using my cell provider to get to the call to the endpoint.
Monday, February 22, 2010
I am so deliciously evil!
As you may or may not have heard (I'm told it made national news, so it HAD to be a slow news day), a zebra escaped from the circus last week.
That's not the awesome part about it. Before I start to read the massive tweets of a runaway zebra, I get a call from a coworker. She said "You're the only one I can tell this to who'll believe me... but a zebra escaped from the circus, and I was stopped over by the Mac-Donalds over by Five Points and it comes running at me and almost hits me!"
Yes, that's right -- a runaway zebra almost hit my coworker as she was leaving the office. Apparently there was like 20 police cars chasing after it and one officer on foot.
She became a pseudo-celebrity on Friday at work. Everyone wanted to hear the story of how she came face to snout almost literally with a zebra. The only thing I could imagine is the conversation had it hit her car: "Hello, State Farm? Yes, I need to file a claim. A zebra hit my car...... Yes, I live in Atlanta..... Yes, the incident happened downtown Atlanta..... No, I'm not on drugs...."
Of course, I enjoy finding the humor around me everyday. Not that what already happened wasn't funny, but I like making things better.
So, I went out Saturday and found a zebra.
The thing is zebras are apparently very difficult to find.
I couldn't find one at WalsMart. I couldn't find one at Target. I finally went to Toys R Us. I asked the poor guy and inquired, "do you have any zebras?" (pronounced "zeh-bras") -- dude looked at me and said "any what?" -- "Any zebras? Z-E-B-R-A" (pronouncing Z as Zed like every other english-speaking country does) -- he was all confused, but it was worth it.
Finally, we went to the stuffie area and found the following:
Granted, it's not the bestest zebra in the world, but it was gonna hafta do. (And for $5, it wasn't a bad deal)
This morning, I came into work and went up to her and said "Does this look familiar?" and tossed it at her. She jumped until she realized what it was and began laughing.
It's now on display in her cube (she's the one who took the pic), and she's having way too much fun with it!
That's not the awesome part about it. Before I start to read the massive tweets of a runaway zebra, I get a call from a coworker. She said "You're the only one I can tell this to who'll believe me... but a zebra escaped from the circus, and I was stopped over by the Mac-Donalds over by Five Points and it comes running at me and almost hits me!"
Yes, that's right -- a runaway zebra almost hit my coworker as she was leaving the office. Apparently there was like 20 police cars chasing after it and one officer on foot.
She became a pseudo-celebrity on Friday at work. Everyone wanted to hear the story of how she came face to snout almost literally with a zebra. The only thing I could imagine is the conversation had it hit her car: "Hello, State Farm? Yes, I need to file a claim. A zebra hit my car...... Yes, I live in Atlanta..... Yes, the incident happened downtown Atlanta..... No, I'm not on drugs...."
Of course, I enjoy finding the humor around me everyday. Not that what already happened wasn't funny, but I like making things better.
So, I went out Saturday and found a zebra.
The thing is zebras are apparently very difficult to find.
I couldn't find one at WalsMart. I couldn't find one at Target. I finally went to Toys R Us. I asked the poor guy and inquired, "do you have any zebras?" (pronounced "zeh-bras") -- dude looked at me and said "any what?" -- "Any zebras? Z-E-B-R-A" (pronouncing Z as Zed like every other english-speaking country does) -- he was all confused, but it was worth it.
Finally, we went to the stuffie area and found the following:
Granted, it's not the bestest zebra in the world, but it was gonna hafta do. (And for $5, it wasn't a bad deal)This morning, I came into work and went up to her and said "Does this look familiar?" and tossed it at her. She jumped until she realized what it was and began laughing.
It's now on display in her cube (she's the one who took the pic), and she's having way too much fun with it!
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Going Green
Ok, don't get me wrong. I'm all for saving energy to help the planet. But, I have a few problems.
1) Recycling. It's not easy. It requires a separate trash receptacle in your house. I have a TIGHT kitchen. Which means I barely have room for the one trash can I have, much less having a second. I DO have recycling, but the only time it usually happens is when the recycling bucket gets full from the freebie newspapers that show up on my driveway I don't read.
2) CFLs. Yes, they are AWESOME when it comes to energy savings... 11 watts versus 75 watts. I'm all for that... Except for the warm-up time. I went through a phase where I shifted all the bulbs that weren't on dimmers to CFLs (as most CFLs you can't dim, but they're getting those in the market now). It happened as bulbs died and I replaced all in the set. But, it gets annoying when I turn on my kitchen light during the day and start something and a minute later try to turn it on again, only to realize "oh yeah, I already turned it on... it just hasn't warmed up yet."
3) Priuses (and other hybrid vehicles). I once thought about wanting a Ford Escape Hybrid. I admit it. But, seriously... Prius owners... You DO have a bit of get-up-and-go in your vehicles, USE IT! Sure, you'll kick on your gas engine, but YOU'RE ON THE FRIGGIN' INTERSTATE!
4) Saving money. Have you noticed how much more it costs to go green? Have you actually done the ROI on some of those? Most of them are generally 2-3 years (if not longer). I bought six 60-watt bulbs at The Home Depot the other day for 35 cents for the pack. One Philips CFL is $10 at WalMart (Sorry, I'm going for the bulb that looks like a bulb and not a squiggly.. those are ugly.. I have SOME taste). How long does it take to save $9.95 difference? My electric bill says I pay about $.09 per KWh. Now, this math is fuzzy (especially if I did it right), but for $9.95 in electricity you can get either (rounded) 1850 hours of a 60-watt bulb (aren't they generally rated for 1000 hours?), or 10000 hours of the 11-watt CFL. How many people run a light bulb for 10,000 hours? That's 416 days straight. Seriously, I'm now back on a move back to incandescent bulbs and putting everything on dimmers (which provides energy savings in themselves).
5) Jesus Chicken cups. I know they're probably not green. Whether it's an "environmentally healthy" styrofoam-esque product or not, they best not change their cups. They're probably the bestest fast food cups out there as they keep your beverage insulated awesomely and don't sweat.
6) You Can't Do That On Televsion. The original "Green" show... Green slime that is. I REALLY want it on DVD because that was a huge part of my childhood. It was an awesome show!! I don't quite understand why I wanted to be on that show and say "I don't know..." (although, it explains a lot about me now... and SHUT UP!) And, it basically made Nickelodeon... Not that Nick is really worth much now...
Yes, I moved from being environmentally friendly to not to a random childhood television show. Sue me!
1) Recycling. It's not easy. It requires a separate trash receptacle in your house. I have a TIGHT kitchen. Which means I barely have room for the one trash can I have, much less having a second. I DO have recycling, but the only time it usually happens is when the recycling bucket gets full from the freebie newspapers that show up on my driveway I don't read.
2) CFLs. Yes, they are AWESOME when it comes to energy savings... 11 watts versus 75 watts. I'm all for that... Except for the warm-up time. I went through a phase where I shifted all the bulbs that weren't on dimmers to CFLs (as most CFLs you can't dim, but they're getting those in the market now). It happened as bulbs died and I replaced all in the set. But, it gets annoying when I turn on my kitchen light during the day and start something and a minute later try to turn it on again, only to realize "oh yeah, I already turned it on... it just hasn't warmed up yet."
3) Priuses (and other hybrid vehicles). I once thought about wanting a Ford Escape Hybrid. I admit it. But, seriously... Prius owners... You DO have a bit of get-up-and-go in your vehicles, USE IT! Sure, you'll kick on your gas engine, but YOU'RE ON THE FRIGGIN' INTERSTATE!
4) Saving money. Have you noticed how much more it costs to go green? Have you actually done the ROI on some of those? Most of them are generally 2-3 years (if not longer). I bought six 60-watt bulbs at The Home Depot the other day for 35 cents for the pack. One Philips CFL is $10 at WalMart (Sorry, I'm going for the bulb that looks like a bulb and not a squiggly.. those are ugly.. I have SOME taste). How long does it take to save $9.95 difference? My electric bill says I pay about $.09 per KWh. Now, this math is fuzzy (especially if I did it right), but for $9.95 in electricity you can get either (rounded) 1850 hours of a 60-watt bulb (aren't they generally rated for 1000 hours?), or 10000 hours of the 11-watt CFL. How many people run a light bulb for 10,000 hours? That's 416 days straight. Seriously, I'm now back on a move back to incandescent bulbs and putting everything on dimmers (which provides energy savings in themselves).
5) Jesus Chicken cups. I know they're probably not green. Whether it's an "environmentally healthy" styrofoam-esque product or not, they best not change their cups. They're probably the bestest fast food cups out there as they keep your beverage insulated awesomely and don't sweat.
6) You Can't Do That On Televsion. The original "Green" show... Green slime that is. I REALLY want it on DVD because that was a huge part of my childhood. It was an awesome show!! I don't quite understand why I wanted to be on that show and say "I don't know..." (although, it explains a lot about me now... and SHUT UP!) And, it basically made Nickelodeon... Not that Nick is really worth much now...
Yes, I moved from being environmentally friendly to not to a random childhood television show. Sue me!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Short people got no reason to live...
Maybe it's the same "sir-cuss" that was at Princess Sparklepant's employment place, maybe not.
But, anyways, there's a circus here in the general vicinity of where I work. So close that I can see the tents where the aminals are (will be?) in this freezing weather on my way to the Pigeon Pit where I park.
But, that concept is only a small factor in this blog posting.
A coworker and I took a field trip earlier today. On the way back from the Pigeon Pit, we shared an elevator with a couple of circus folk.
The guy was a little shorter than average with GIANT Elvis hair. I mean, it had to be at least six inches tall. But he didn't use grease to make it stay in place, it was probably a lot of White Rain. I REALLY wish I had asked if I could take his picture because I've never seen hair that high on a man. Not even in 70's movies!
The girl looked like she had just came out of Little Five Points (Or, if you're in Boston, Newbury Comics).
Anyways, she turns to him and asked, "If you discriminate based on race, it's racism and you're called a racist. What's it if you discriminate against a midget?"
Elvis-dude looked a little perplexed and said "Midgetism?"
I had to put my two cents in and say "Heightism?"
We departed and I came back to my desk and had to Google it. There was no definitive answer when I searched for "What's it called when you discriminate against a midget?"
Then I decided "If anyone should know, it'd be HR!" So, I emailed a friend of mine's wife who works in HR here at The Company (I haven't officially met her yet because she was busy giving birth at my last Partay).
Then I decided "Yahoo Answers has a bunch of silly things asked, let's see what they say!"
I posted this question and eventually came up with some answers. (I love the response "Snow White")
It seems I was right!
So, there you have it. Apparently Randy Newman is a heightist!
And I just got a response from HR -- she says:
But, anyways, there's a circus here in the general vicinity of where I work. So close that I can see the tents where the aminals are (will be?) in this freezing weather on my way to the Pigeon Pit where I park.
But, that concept is only a small factor in this blog posting.
A coworker and I took a field trip earlier today. On the way back from the Pigeon Pit, we shared an elevator with a couple of circus folk.
The guy was a little shorter than average with GIANT Elvis hair. I mean, it had to be at least six inches tall. But he didn't use grease to make it stay in place, it was probably a lot of White Rain. I REALLY wish I had asked if I could take his picture because I've never seen hair that high on a man. Not even in 70's movies!
The girl looked like she had just came out of Little Five Points (Or, if you're in Boston, Newbury Comics).
Anyways, she turns to him and asked, "If you discriminate based on race, it's racism and you're called a racist. What's it if you discriminate against a midget?"
Elvis-dude looked a little perplexed and said "Midgetism?"
I had to put my two cents in and say "Heightism?"
We departed and I came back to my desk and had to Google it. There was no definitive answer when I searched for "What's it called when you discriminate against a midget?"
Then I decided "If anyone should know, it'd be HR!" So, I emailed a friend of mine's wife who works in HR here at The Company (I haven't officially met her yet because she was busy giving birth at my last Partay).
Then I decided "Yahoo Answers has a bunch of silly things asked, let's see what they say!"
I posted this question and eventually came up with some answers. (I love the response "Snow White")
It seems I was right!
So, there you have it. Apparently Randy Newman is a heightist!
And I just got a response from HR -- she says:
The word for someone who discriminates against “little persons” that comes to my mind would be bigot. Thoughts? Maybe not strong enough?I'm gonna wet myself laughing so hard!
Monday, February 1, 2010
More with the Morning Show
For some reason I decided to parooze the Kicks Morning Show web site. After the Twitter conversation I had with @ATLCadillac, I apparently had a hugely blond moment.
You see, I've been listening to the Morning Show since I moved to Atlanta. Way back when, it was Moby in the Morning. (Trivia: I won tickets from him 'cuz I Stumped Moby with a joke. Maybe one day I'll tell the joke). I even was enjoying Bandy and Bailey while they were in Atlanta. Then Cadillac and Kristen I thought were the pair to do me in until some random shake-up happened and I got Cadillac and Dallas. Oh, and Tug. Without Tug, all the judges on Make Us Say WOW Wednesday would be nice! :) (Which reminds me, I need to get time to call in my WOW story)
Let me tell you, there can't be a better Morning Show in the world! You think your morning show is better? It's not possible! I mean I have had TEARS rolling down my face from laughter. It's not easy to shave in the mornings with the radio on sometimes because I'm fearful of slicing my throat.
Anyways, I'm paroozing the Morning Show site and there's a picture of the morning show personalities, and one who's name I don't seem to recognize.
So, I tweet Mr. Cadillac Jack and ask him:
Ok, so you want to hear the joke I won with? Well, today's your lucky day.
You see, I've been listening to the Morning Show since I moved to Atlanta. Way back when, it was Moby in the Morning. (Trivia: I won tickets from him 'cuz I Stumped Moby with a joke. Maybe one day I'll tell the joke). I even was enjoying Bandy and Bailey while they were in Atlanta. Then Cadillac and Kristen I thought were the pair to do me in until some random shake-up happened and I got Cadillac and Dallas. Oh, and Tug. Without Tug, all the judges on Make Us Say WOW Wednesday would be nice! :) (Which reminds me, I need to get time to call in my WOW story)
Let me tell you, there can't be a better Morning Show in the world! You think your morning show is better? It's not possible! I mean I have had TEARS rolling down my face from laughter. It's not easy to shave in the mornings with the radio on sometimes because I'm fearful of slicing my throat.
Anyways, I'm paroozing the Morning Show site and there's a picture of the morning show personalities, and one who's name I don't seem to recognize.
So, I tweet Mr. Cadillac Jack and ask him:
SmplyUnprdctble @ATLCadillac Who is this "Greg" person who's pictured on the Morning Show page that I've never heard of?Seriously -- I don't know how I forgot Greg. Most likely it's because I don't pay attention to the traffic because it seems to be out of date by the time it gets on the air (*references my reply about traffic always being the same*). Plus, he doesn't quite get the same amount of air time as Caddy and Dallas and Tug. I demand he get integrated into the show more! :)
ATLCadillac @SmplyUnprdctble Greg Talmadge - does traffic for us every morning... been with KICKS for 20 years
SmplyUnprdctble @ATLCadillac Oh! Him! I thought he was imaginary and you've been using random traffic reports from the past since it's always the same! :)
SmplyUnprdctble @ATLCadillac Also, tell your web peeps Greg needs a page! I demand it!
Ok, so you want to hear the joke I won with? Well, today's your lucky day.
Back in 1977 (just barely before I was born), when the first Star Wars movie initially came out, Chewbacca won an award.Now, no beating me for the joke. I made it up myself.
You know what that award was?
Wookie of the Year!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)