Happy Birthday, Mother!

So, I've gotten some STRANGE stuff from Mother for various occasions. The most memorable being when she decided to give me a phallicized Cheet-Oh or the time she sent me a pre-scratched losing scratch ticket. Oh yeah, and once she sent me a few expired condoms.

I know she was probably meaning well in her insane little world, but they made absolutely no sense.

So I decided to get her back this time.

It's her birthday, and I went and had a little fun. So much fun that I made Sis record Mother opening her package just so I could see the reaction. Needless to say, I almost wet myself from laughter!

Needless to say, do NOT watch the video below if you are faint of heart, under the age of 18, or if anyone under the age of 18 is in the room with you. Also, there's some swearing because that's what Mother does, so if that offends you also, please do not press play.

I find it most funny that she doesn't quite know what lube is....

Always look at the bright side of life!

Last night was Spamalot!

Oh my friggin' goodness, I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants!

I know the Monty Python and the Holy Grail story mostly by heart. It's great and awesome! I managed to get AWESOME front row mezzanine seats to Spamalot for $25 (plus fees), so we went. I'm glad I made that kind of decision!

The silly humour throughout the show was great! And after seeing it, I can totally understand why Clay Aiken played Sir Robin. And, when the cow was catapulted, the only thing in my mind was "Crypto! You have not been given permission to leave the invasion site!"

I bought a cow ("Fetchez La Vache!") and a killer rabbit. They're now sitting at my desk and I so want to catapult la vache left and right.

I've been listening to the soundtrack today. It's great!

Good thing I don't cook!

So, this past weekend's project was supposed to replace the Service Entry Cable to my house. As I've said before, my current setup is underrated for what I want.

But I didn't expect this!

Unfortunately, it was raining all weekend, and there's no way we're going to risk playing with electricity in the rain. But, we DID get the 225 pounds of SE cable run up through the hardest part of the house (the 20 or so feet we needed to put up in the central attic). I swear, if I was ready to rewire the whole house's electrical right now, I would TOTALLY move the breaker box somewhere else more convenient to that whole ordeal. Alas no.

Anyways, my really awesome boyfriend started looking at the existing crappy SE cable (ya know, the one on a 150 amp breaker outside). And we looked it up, and learned it's only REALLY rated for 115 amps. (He calls it "mobile home cable").

Then that got me to thinking about what my Hot Chiropractor said the other day -- "Why don't y'all cook?"

Yeah -- if I cooked, ran the dishwasher, kicked on the air conditioner, and ran the dryer at the same time, I'd probably burn the house down!

...It's a good thing I don't really cook!

This posting is racist

Stupid non-Mexicans working at Taco Bell can't make things right. The soft taco shells are brittle as it is, so if they're not warmed properly, they break apart. Guess what happened to me today...

Yes, I agree that's racist, but it's true! It's the same thing like going to a sushi bar and having a white person fixing your sushi. There's nothing to say it's not right, but if I go out for sushi, I want to see a Japanese person fixing it! (Or at minimum Asian). As I was told by another friend, "I don't care if they had asian people pretending to make the sushi and it was premade." It's about the presentation!

I tried to exercise

So, I know I need to get my fat @$$ back in the gym. I'm getting yelled at left and right by medical peoples, along with my scale. Friends of mine don't care about my weight. And the only reason I really care is the health issues I have from it.

Anyways, a really awesome friend of mine K from The Suffix is in town this week (it's a rarity since she lives in that really freezing cold place known as Minnesota). Anyways, for the longest time we had plans that when she came into town, we would go biking on the Silver Comet Trail. I figured it would be fun until I remembered that she has a tendency to run 50 miles for no reason (and marathons and races and other things. INSANE, I tell ya!)

Of course, I got laid off, and somewhat forgot about it.

My really awesome boyfriend brought his bike back with him on his last trip home, and the thought came back in my mind, so I txted K and asked her if she had any plans of coming down, and lo and behold, she did! So we started the planning of riding the Silver Comet Trail (well, part of it. It was going to be after work, afterall).

Anyways, last two weeks I've been sick, but I'm feeling mostly better. A little coughing every now and then, but that's it. We get everything scheduled for yesterday after work. I pump up the tires and get them loaded in the back of my truck and we head to the trail.

She hadn't been on a bike for several years, apparently. Add in the fact it was set on one of the high gears, and it was hilarious to see her try to get started. I was yelling "It's like riding a bike! It comes back to ya!"

So, we're riding down the trail and it's really beautiful. We're in that "Not quite spring" transition phase (just before the pollen count hits nine billion), and things are really nice out. And the weather is pretty much PERFECT.

About a mile down, K thinks she has a flat tire. I have her get in front of me to see what things look like, and it appears that the brake is rubbing a bit against the rubber, causing the noise. You know.. that whole "it's hot, and the tire's been flat for a while, so it's a little bowed and such" deal? We think very little of it and press on.

Two and change miles down and we hear a "POP-PSSsssss" -- and it was LOUD! Yep... Tire blew. I guess I didn't fully interpret Really Awesome Boyfriend's warning of "The tires are probably in bad shape."

So, we dismount and turn around and walk the bikes all the way back down to the start of the trail. It was a nice walk, but would have been cooler if we could have biked a little further... I mean, we didn't even get to the tunnel!

After dinner, the three of us (K, Really Awesome Boyfriend, and I) went to RuSan's for dinner and had sushi. It's always a good day when sushi is involved!

Why do people think I'm crazy?

So, people think I'm crazy for some reason unbeknownst to me. I don't go around saying "5 minutes to Wapner" or things like that. I don't roll down my window and ask the person in the next vehicle if they have any Grey Poupon. And I don't whisper an entire conversation in public yet yell "RECTUM" like my grandmother does. I like to think I'm fairly close to "sane."

So, lately, people have been calling me crazy.

9:42am I get a call, and I answer "Good afternoon." 3:18pm I get a call and I answer "Good morning." They tell me I'm crazy.

I have a light up LED tree at my desk. Everyone calls it a "Christmas Tree" -- I've decided it's not, rather the Crystalline Entity with a star on top.

I also have an aquarium at my desk. They find it "odd."

But, I think the best thing is the fact I got to reuse a line again!

Mother is a Braves fan and her birthday is coming up. So I decided to adventure to the Braves Clubhouse Store to buy her something. I found the cutest little bear wearing a Braves uniform, so I decided she was going to get that. The cashier put the bear in the bag upside-down. I exclaimed, "Don't put him in upside down! All the stuffing will rush to his head!"

The look was priceless!

When did I turn into an adult?

I keep asking myself that one. Occasionally I'll do things that make me "more of an adult." First it was paying taxes. Then it was getting a "real job." Then the next big step was buying a house. Then came property taxes. Recently I started wearing "grown-up clothes" when I got the job at The Company.

I didn't think I could become "more of an adult" after that.

Until yesterday.

I opened a brokerage account with one of my banks. I now own stocks!

It's kinda weird to say that I am a shareholder in a company. I want to be like that crazy lady in Futurama and say "I own one share in Planet Whatchamajigger, and I want my say!"